


The Inevitable Result of Kismet

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-19
Updated: 2011-10-19
Packaged: 2017-10-24 19:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I want to enjoy being with someone and having them enjoy being with me.  I've missed that much more than some of the other so-called benefits of dating.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Inevitable Result of Kismet

**Author's Note:**

> I started this a year ago and hoped to one day finish it. I just didn’t know, I can't seem to write Hotch/Prentiss like I used to, but the beginning had so much potential I wanted to try and nurture it.

“I'm sorry; I'm so sorry.”

The train came to an abrupt halt in the tunnel. Anyone not holding on for dear life stumbled or was thrown. It was always something.

“Are you alright?” she asked, doing her best to keep him from falling.

“I'm embarrassed but will surely survive.” He got steady on his feet. “Thanks for your help. I think this is the fourth time we've had a close encounter on this train. This is the hardest hit.”

“Four encounters? I hadn't realized that. I didn’t realize that you were counting.”

“I hate to say I was but…”

“You’ve been counting.” She couldn’t help but smile as she thought about it. “Well my father might call four close encounters kismet.”

“My mother would call it clumsy. I seem to have an attack of my two left feet at the worse time.”

“It’s really alright.” She was still smiling. “I'm just glad you didn’t hurt yourself. I know it’s improbable but a little warning before braking would be nice.”

“Yeah.” he nodded as the train finally pulled into the next station.

Throngs of people got off and were replaced by more throngs. The two strangers were pushed even closer, his hand right above hers on the pole. She smelled amazing, powdery and pleasant. It was fresh, subtle, and intoxicating.

He didn’t care if it was weird; he took a deep breath, letting the scent engulf him. He wanted to ask what she wore, needed to know right now. He just had no idea how to talk to her. She got off in three stops so if it was going to happen today it would have to be soon.

“So, it's kismet huh?”

She looked back at him, her raven hair brushing across his neck and chest. She smiled.

“Yeah, it could be. Forces stronger than us are always at work. Sometimes we interfere and other times we relax and let it happen.”

“So, um, if I asked you to grab a bite to eat with me sometime…what would you call that?”

She took gentle hold of his left hand, wiggling his finger.

“Infidelity.” She replied.

“What? Oh no, no, I'm um…I'm not married.”

“Really?”

Now she turned around to face him, unable to hold back her raised eyebrow and smirk. There was no space between their bodies. She still held his hand.

“I'm a widower.” He said. “I wear the ring to protect myself.”

“What are you protecting yourself from?” she asked.

“It can be tough out there. Dating can be…intimidating.”

“Hello, single woman; tell me about it. Maybe I should invest in one of those. How long has your wife been gone?”

“It’s been almost two years.” He said.

“I'm sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.”

“I’d also like to get a bite to eat.” She said.

“Really?”

“Really, really.” She nodded, finally letting go of his hand. Her hand felt emptier without it. “I think it'll be nice.”

He was grinning from ear to ear as the train pulled into the next station. He had a pair of dimples that could make a woman’s knees weak.

“I don’t even know your name.”

“I should probably tell you since the next stop is yours.” He reached into his inside jacket pocket, grabbed a card, and handed it to her. She looked at it and then looked at him.

“Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. Hmm, I like that.”

“It has a nice ring to it when you say it. Most people call me Hotch.”

“Oh, I really like that.” she said, sliding the card into her jeans pocket. “That’s an ass kicker of a name. I think every FBI agent should get one like that when they graduate from the Academy. You should suggest that at the next meeting or something.”

“Meeting?” Hotch raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t FBI agents have meetings?” she asked.

“Well, it’s not as if all of us do. There are thousands stationed all over the country and world. But there is a suggestion box somewhere at Headquarters.”

“Headquarters…you're making it sound more intriguing than it is I think.”

“Yes, yes, I am.”

She laughed and felt the butterflies in her stomach. “I have to go now. It should be a very interesting trip to the door.”

“Wait, I don’t know your name.”

“I’ll call you and tell you.” she replied.

Hotch wanted to object; he’d been dying to know her name for weeks. So many different thoughts had gone through his mind. Was she a Sophia, Karen, or Angelina? No, it probably wasn’t Angelina. Still, it might be Caroline, Jennifer, or Katherine. Hotch had never been that good with names…it was faces he never forgot. He didn’t want to wait another minute to put a name to hers.

“Give me some kind of hint. Please.” He called out as the train pulled into the station. People were rushing the door; she got swept up in the crowd.

“Paul Simon, that’s your hint. Goodnight, Hotch.”

He waved. It was difficult to make her out in the thick crowds of commuters. Paul Simon…what the hell was he supposed to do with that? He supposed he would have to wait for her call.

***

“I met a woman.”

“What? Really? Where did you two meet?”

Jessie put the plate down in front of Hotch. He smiled at the steak and potatoes. Jessie’s husband didn’t smile when he came out on the back deck.

“What are you doing?” he asked. “No heavy lifting, remember Jess? You promised me.”

“I'm always doing heavy lifting these days.” Jessie poked out her belly, just about eight months pregnant with her first child.

“That’s not funny.” Sam crossed his arms as he sat across the table from Hotch.

“Oh stop pouting, Sam, they’re just plates.” She put one in front of him before bending to kiss the top of his head. That made him smile. “Aaron met a woman.”

“When, Aaron? What's her name?”

“I don’t know her name.” Hotch replied, realizing just in that moment how crazy that must’ve sounded.

Jessie frowned as she joined them at the table. The first week of May was beautiful so Sam grilled steaks for the threesome and then took a shower before Hotch arrived. His brother-in-law was there early, he should've figured that, so Jessie served up the meal. While her pregnancy had been smooth sailing, aches and pains nagged her. Sam wanted her off her feet as much as possible.

This was a strong contrast to Jessie’s gregarious, go-getter personality. The happy couple, and they were quite happy, managed not to butt heads over it too much. It could easily turn into a sore spot if they weren't careful. They hadn't had many sore spots over the years and Sam wanted to keep it that way.

“I'm a little confused.” Jessie sipped her iced tea. “You met her but don’t know her name? I hope that’s supposed to sound as strange as it does.”

“We take the same train nearly every evening.” Hotch said. “I noticed her about a month ago, or I should say I acknowledged noticing her. So there were a few helloes and some pleasant smiles. I started looking forward to the commute home just to see her.

“I know that sounds silly but its true. Here I was creating this little fantasy world in my head. We had the most intriguing conversations there while riding along. Then this evening I nearly mowed her down and she thought it might be kismet…”

He told them the rest of the story, including her leaving the train with his card while her name remained a mystery.

“What's the first thing that comes to your head when you think of Paul Simon?” Hotch asked.

“ _Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes_.” Sam replied, sampling his steak. “Ohhh, this is nearly perfect.”

“You're only complimenting yourself.” Jessie said, handing him the A-1 steak sauce he was reaching for.

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing.”

She crinkled her nose at him as he leaned over to kiss her.

“What's the first thing you think of, Jess, when I say Paul Simon.”

Hotch tried his damndest never to be jealous of their happiness. They surely never threw it in his face. And anyway, married couples were supposed to be happy. Declaring your love and intention to be together until death in front of God took at least a little bit of liking, right?

Hotch knew plenty of married couples and none of them were like the Kassmeyers. They were utterly blissful. If Hotch thought back far enough, he could remember that time in his life. Patti Scialfa said you couldn’t go back. Hotch would listen for a change and save himself the heartache.

“Art Garfunkel is the first thing that comes to mind.” Jessie replied. “Then I think of _Me and Julio down by the Schoolyard_. Perhaps her name is Julio.”

“Ha ha.” Hotch smirked. “I don’t think so but thanks for trying. I just hopes she calls me. Nothing is guaranteed but she’ll see me on the train eventually. Lord knows I don’t want the woman to change her entire commute just to avoid the strange guy who accosted her.”

“You are not strange, Aaron.” Jessie said. “You can be…intense sometimes but so what. She sounds interested from what you’ve told us.”

“I might have it all wrong.” Hotch conceded. “It’s not as if I'm good at this sort of thing.”

“I thought the same thing.” Sam replied. “Its only by the grace of God I have a woman like Jessie.” He put his hand over hers. “Being left to my own devices is a scary thought. It’s rough out there.”

Sam thought he would be forever single and he had almost gotten himself used to that. His job didn’t afford for many hours off trying to find Ms. Right. He let Hotch set him up on a blind date with his sister-in-law, expecting the worse. He was crazy about Jessie before the night ended. The rest was history.

“Dating, and everything that comes along with it, scares me witless.” Hotch said. “Who in their right mind would want to do this after forty? I've never taken this kind of leap before. But this woman intrigues me and we haven’t even gotten to the exciting part yet, which is actually getting to know her.

“She’s beautiful, looks wonderful in every color. I like her voice, I like her smile, and I like her touch. She has raven hair and these amazing cheekbones. Her nose is the most intriguing nose I've ever seen but it fits her; only makes her more beautiful. Do I have an insane crush when I start breaking down her nose?”

“Yes.” Sam said smiling. “Yes, you do.”

“But I also have these horrible thoughts churning in the pit of my stomach.” Hotch said. “What if she's certifiable? Isn’t that much easier to conceal when you're beautiful? What if she’s slash your tires, fuck your credit, boil your bunny, ‘ _I won't be ignored Dan_ ’ certifiable?”

“Well, you're in the FBI and I'm a US Marshal.” Sam replied. “Between the two of us I'm sure we can trump up enough charges to put her in jail for life.”

He and Hotch both laughed, holding up their beer bottles in toasting fashion. Crazy wasn’t always something that made them laugh; once it touched them all deeper than they ever thought possible. It was still in the room with them…Hotch didn’t think it would ever truly go away.

“You’ve always been excellent at reading people, Aaron.” Jessie said. “I hope she turns out as lovely as you imagine.”

“And you don’t think it’s too soon?” Hotch asked.

“Too soon for what?” Jessie ate another piece of steak. It really was delicious. She would use the fourth steak for steak and potato omelets in the morning.

“It’s barely been two years since…”

He couldn’t finish the sentence. As close as he and Jessie were, and had been since he was in college, they didn’t talk about Haley much. When she was alive they didn’t have to; she was there. Then she wasn’t quite there and then she was dead. They never talked about her death, which devastated the entire family.

It wasn’t just that she died but the way she was killed that still gave him nightmares. Not once had he and Jessie ever discussed it. He talked about it with Sam all the time, they were best friends. Sam said that Jessie didn’t even discuss it much with him.

“Moving on is OK, Aaron; it really is.” She replied, not saying anything else about it.

He nodded as Sam gave him a reassuring smile. Hotch knew that answer was the best he could get at the moment. It was enough. He needed to move on in his everyday life and in his romantic life. No one wanted to be alone forever. The beautiful woman on the train may not be his future but he surely had to start somewhere.

***

“You’ve been burning a hole through that card for nearly a week. Why don’t you just do what you wanna do?”

“Huh?” Emily looked up from her thoughts at Penelope Garcia. She was standing in the doorway wearing a blue kimono-like dress, black patent leather wedges, and a black bob wig. “Whoa, someone is bringing sexy back. Where are you headed tonight?”

“Date #5 with Kevin Lynch.” Penelope replied. “There's a strong possibility I could be back late, humming Petula Clark songs. Or I’ll find out he's married, hooked on drugs, or not over the last woman, or man, who broke his heart. I try to remain optimistic but real.”

“That sounds like a big deal…well, not the Petula Clark thing.” Emily sat up in her chair. “Where is he taking you?”

“We’re going to the History of Propaganda exhibit at the Journalism Museum and then for coffee. This could be a big deal. Kevin is smart, he's so cute; he’s funny as hell, and a Bowie fan. He's a real Bowie fan. Oh, and did I mention that he’s cute.”

“Twice.”

“Well, it bears repeating.” Penelope smiled. “What's with the card, Peaches? What's stopping you from calling the person on it? You do realize that you’ve been staring at it for six days, right?”

“Yeah.” Emily nodded. “It’s the guy from the subway, Garcia.”

“Oh my God; it’s Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome? Are you serious? What are you waiting for, a sign from God? Call him, call him, call him!”

She bounced on the balls of her feet, which Emily thought to be impossible in those shoes.

“You have to call him. We have to find out if he only takes his coffee black? Is he a Johnnie Walker man or a Southern Comfort straight? We’ve had too many discussions about him to just let this go. I can't believe you approached him. I have to apologize for ever doubting you, Peaches. Two thumbs way up.”

“I didn’t approach him.” Emily gave her a quick recap of the encounter, unable to keep herself from smiling.

“Hotch…” Garcia had a thoughtful look on her face. “Is that like Prince? I mean there are some guys in this world that are cool enough to get away with one name. There’s Danno, Hawkeye, Batman…the list goes on.” She looked at her watch. “But I can't; I gotta go. Jack is fed, bathed and sound asleep. We had such a great day.”

“Well I'm sure you'll also have a great night. I want you to have fun.”

“Thanks.” Penelope smiled. “Call him Emily, its time. You deserve to know a good guy and to enjoy yourself.”

“Yeah.” she nodded. “Thanks Penelope.”

Garcia smiled and then she was gone. Emily heard her quietly activate the alarm and leave the house. She looked at the card for what had to be the thousandth time. If thoughts were actions, they would’ve had 25 conversations by now. They would’ve chatted on a variety of subjects, laughed, surely planned a date, and maybe even threw in some sexy flirting.

But none of that happened. It wouldn’t happen if she didn’t make the first move. Well, really the second…this card was the first. Hotch had given her the control, which as she observed him for over a month, looked as if it wasn’t easy for him to do. The man didn’t even know her name. The least she could do, even if this was a total failure, was tell him. She took a deep breath, grabbed her iPhone, and dialed.

“Hotchner.” He answered on the fourth ring.

“Hi Hotch, this is Emily.”

“Wherever I may find her.” he replied. “That’s why Paul Simon was my hint? I guess I can stop thinking it was Art, Julio, or Diamond.”

“Diamond?” she laughed some.

“On the soles of her shoes.” Hotch said.

“Ahh, yeah, no, not Diamond. I'm surprised you recognized my voice.”

“I rarely forget voices. I hadn't seen you on the train all week and then you didn’t call…I thought you changed your mind.”

“No, I just…” Emily took a deep breath. “This is plain and simple nerves. Maybe once upon a time I was good at this but these days I think more than I act. I think, and then I over think. I pour a glass of wine and think a little bit more. Then it’s the next day. That all translates to it taking a week to call you.”

“I over think things as well.” he said. “Impulsivity is better left to the young, not that I dare insinuate that you're old. How old are you?”

“Mmm, I think I'm gonna keep that bit of info to myself for a little while. Women like to have a few secrets. Let’s just say, for the sake of clarity, that I'm in my 30s. That’s the truth.”

“I'm in my 40s…I hope that’s alright.”

“Your age doesn’t matter. I like your eyes, Hotch, and your dimples.” She laughed some. “I'm sure you get tired of people trying to make you smile so they can see them.”

“I don’t think anyone’s ever done that.” he said.

“That’s really their loss. I like your dimples.”

“I like your eyes. What’s your favorite food?”

“I’ll eat almost anything…I love food. I think it comes from traveling all over the world growing up. What do you like?”

“There's this great Indian place I've been to a few times in Georgetown. It’s not overwhelming for a first date. I think it has a very relaxed atmosphere; perfect for two people trying to get to know each other. Wait, is this is first date?” he asked. “I didn’t mean to assume.”

“I don't know. Can we just call it two people getting together for food and conversation in an effort to know one another better?”

“Wow, that’s more than a mouthful. What do you do for a living?”

Hotch laughed some and Emily realized she really liked his laugh. It had been a long time since she could say that about anybody.

“I'm a professor of International Studies and Foreign Languages at American University.” She replied. “It’s a mouthful, yes, but less pressure.”

“Less pressure is good.” Hotch said. “It seems as if this is something rather new for the both of us. Let’s focus on getting to know each other.”

“That’s a good plan. Are you free Saturday?”

“Yes I am. How about 7:30?”

“Alright.” Emily nodded on her end. “I’ll meet you at the restaurant.”

“Will I be able to tell you're not a debutante?” Hotch asked.

“Dreaming…you're a Blondie fan.”

“I am. It seems as if you are too.”

“There was a time when I dressed like Debbie Harry.” Emily laughed. “I spent a summer club hopping in West Germany looking for my Chris Stein.”

“I don’t think I've ever done anything so adventurous.” He replied.

“Every adventure has another side, Aaron.”

“I don’t doubt that for a second. The restaurant is called Kashmir, it’s…”

“It’s near the University; I know it well. I've never eaten there though so it'll be a new experience.”

“Do you live near the University?” Hotch asked.

“I live in Foggy Bottom for now. I've contemplated moving but I've been contemplating for about four years. I'm still here. Do you live, or just work, in DC?”

“I'm in Woodley Park but my house is on the market. It’s a soft time, I'm sure I’ll get less than the asking price considering but I'm looking to be in my own apartment soon. It’s too much for one man to keep.”

“There must be a lot of memories of your late wife there.” Emily replied.

Emily didn’t think she would bring that up. He opened the door so she cautiously stepped through. He said he’d been a widower for two years on the train. That didn’t mean he wanted to talk about those circumstances with a complete stranger. Still, Emily was curious. She was curious by nature.

Time, and experience, taught her when to display and conceal the trait. She would wade instead of jumping in on everything where Aaron Hotchner was concerned. Dead spouses were surely a sensitive subject. She had a few sensitive subjects as well.

“There are both good memories and bad ones.” Hotch said in a guarded tone.

“I surely don’t want to bring up anything that would upset you. I hope you find a buyer soon and a nice place where you can settle and relax again.”

“Thank you. I'm really glad you called, Emily.”

“Me too.” she smiled. “So I’ll see you Saturday at 7:30?”

“Absolutely; I'm looking forward to it.”

“Goodnight, Aaron. Should I call you Aaron, or do you prefer Hotch?”

“I can't say I've ever been asked. Most of the people I work with call me Hotch. Those in my personal life have always called me Aaron. Its almost like Hotch is my alter ego.”

“I surely don’t have a preference. How about Hotch for now; maybe Aaron will come later.”

“Alright. Goodnight, Emily.”

“Goodnight.”

She hung up the phone and leaned back in the chair again. She finally conquered her fear and called him. She had set up her first date in almost four years. Emily didn’t even want to think about the last one she went on.

It hadn't been her finest hour. This was going to be different; something in her gut said so. And even if it didn’t end with the promise of a second date she would still do her best to relax and have a good time. It was kismet after all…what wasn’t good about that?

***

“I have a dilemma.” Hotch said, sipping his beer.

“You know I’ll help in anyway I can. Whoa, asterisk,” Dave Rossi lit a Cohiba. He blew the smoke into the warm Fairfax night. “I’ll help as long as it doesn’t require me dressing up like a Mafioso and talking a bunch of shit in a Brooklyn accent. I've never liked pinkie rings.”

“This won't involve any dressing up. I need advice.”

“I'm your man for that. What’s up?”

Hotch was spending a gorgeous Thursday evening on Dave Rossi’s back deck. This beat his office at Quantico with that damn artificial lighting by a mile. The men got together for drinks and conversation a few times a month since Dave retired from the FBI a few years back. He had his 25 years and was ready to try something new. One thing that wasn’t new to Dave was marriage.

Not six months into his retirement he married Erin Strauss, their old boss, who became his fourth wife. The couple had been involved on the down low forever and a year. It was about time Rossi made an honest woman out of her. Being a newlywed did next to nothing for her sparkling personality. Hotch still avoided her like the clap.

That was easier now that she was the Assistant Deputy Director of the FBI. She still found ways to fuck him with his pants on when it came to the job but it was nothing he wasn’t used to and couldn’t handle. At least she gave him something to kiss afterward…usually her ass. Oh well, no one liked change anyway. It was better for everyone if they saw the shit coming.

“I have a date on Saturday night.” Hotch said.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Hey, don’t say it like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like it’s so damn unbelievable.”

“Aaron, your wife has been dead for two years. Your marriage was over way before that. It is unbelievable…I thought you'd never get back out there.”

“Haley is what I wanted to talk to you about.” He spoke quietly.

“Why?”

“Nevermind, Dave,” he waved a hand. “This was a bad idea; a really bad idea.”

“What? Are you talking about going on a date or talking to me about it?”

“My damn wife was slaughtered in the bed beside me, Dave. You think I don’t deserve some time to try and digest that. I was left for dead as well if you recall.”

“No, you were left to suffer the consequences. That was the plan all along.”

“I don’t need you profiling that bastard, OK.”

That was something that always got to Hotch. He was a profiler and had been for 12 years. He was the one who should've known that the problems were going to escalate and he should've done something about it. But he sat by, guilty, angry, worried, and did nothing. Then he woke up in a pool of his own blood and his wife’s.

“I just…” Hotch stopped when he heard her voice.

“David!”

His wife’s voice bellowed through the downstairs of their house. The couple’s Chesapeake Bay retriever, Mudgie, jumped up from the deck and went to meet his mistress. The two men sat and listened as Erin baby talked the gigantic dog. Hotch took the break in conversation to finish off his beer. He was already on his feet when Erin got to the sliding glass door.

“Good evening, Agent Hotchner.”

“Assistant Deputy Strauss.” He nodded toward her. “I was just leaving.”

“Leaving…you said you wanted to talk.” Dave stood as well, giving his wife a big smile. She didn’t quite manage to return it.

“No, we can do it some other time. I'm a big boy, Dave; I’ll figure this out on my own.”

“You know if you need me for anything, I'm going to be there. I wasn’t trying to be difficult earlier”

Dave looked from Aaron to his wife. Erin rolled her eyes and did a bad job of hiding it. She couldn’t change the friendship between the two men but that didn’t mean she had to like it. And she didn’t like it. But she loved Dave so she kept quiet about it, mostly. If there was one thing she knew about both men, they were loyal to a fault. Erin just worried that Dave’s loyalty to Hotch would one day trump his loyalty to her. Loyalty and love weren't the same thing but Erin wanted both. She was an all or nothing type.

“I know. Thanks for the beer. I’ll talk to you later, Dave. Goodnight Assistant Deputy Director.”

“I'm off duty, Aaron. You can let go of the title.”

“I call her baby doll.” Dave replied, ignoring the icy glare he got from Erin.

“Ma'am,” He nodded again and got the hell out of dodge.

Hotch didn’t pretend to understand the intricacies of that relationship and he sure wasn’t going to profile it. There were plenty who tried and failed already. All he knew was that they loved each other. He’d known Dave long enough to recognize when the man was in love. The rest was none of his business and Hotch planned to keep it that way.

He went out the front door, got into his SUV and pulled off. It wasn’t too late; he’d call Sam when he got home and talk. Maybe it would be easier to discuss the whole thing with Dave after he succeeded or failed on this date thing. It was better than hearing the wrong thing, or interpreting it as the wrong thing, and canceling altogether.

Hotch was nervous; had no idea what he was getting into. A date never sounded so ominous. This was supposed to be a good thing so it was probably best to talk to someone who definitely saw it that way. He put in his Bluetooth and pushed 3 on his phone.

“Sam,” he said as soon as his best friend answered. “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

***

“Mommy, you look beautiful.”

Emily turned around when she heard the sweet little voice mangling the word beautiful. The sentiment was still there and it went straight to her soul. Penelope walked into the master bedroom with Jack in her arms. Emily spun around in front of the full length mirror as they sat down on the bed.

“You really think so?” Emily asked.

She’d changed her outfit five times and refused to do it anymore. She’d settled on dark denim cropped jeans and a powder pink tank top that criss-crossed over her chest and tied around her neck. There were pink Mary Jane flats on her feet; Garcia gave them two thumbs up.

“You're always beautiful, Mommy.” Jack replied grinning.

“Aww, my sweet little pumpkin.” Emily went over to the bed, took his little face in her hands, and covered him with kisses. The sound of his ebullience filled her heart with a joy she would never be able to find words for. “Garcia, do I look too pasty?”

“I don’t like to think of it as pasty.” Garcia replied. “Its more like porcelain chic.”

“Really?” Emily raised an eyebrow as she went back to the mirror. “I'm pasty.”

“You have beautiful skin, Emily. Tanning it is a very bad idea…we've seen that. You look amazing and that’s all that matters. You're gonna knock that man clear off his feet.”

“What man?” Jack asked.

“Mommy’s going on a date.” Emily replied.

“Why?”

“I'm asking myself the same question, Jack Jack.”

“Don’t be silly.” Penelope pulled Jack into her lap. “You're going to have an amazing time, I'm sure. Don’t let those doubts ruin things before you get out of the starting gate.”

Emily nodded. Looking at her watch she saw it was ten minutes to seven. No more stalling…it was time to go. She scooped Jack up into her arms, giving him another kiss. Penelope got up from the bed and all three of them left the room together.

000

She said a silent prayer as she climbed out of the cab in front of Kashmir. It didn’t have to be perfect. If there was one thing she knew as her fourth decade pounded on the door it was that nothing was or ever could be. Emily just wanted to have a good time tonight. She saw Hotch standing in front of the restaurant looking as nervous as she felt.

He was handsome in black slacks, and a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair, the same raven color as hers, was lightly brushed. That was a strong contrast to the gelled to death look he wore to work. She liked it and it made her smile as she approached him.

“Hi.” She said.

“Wow, hi.” He grinned too, dimples poking holes in his cheeks. There was an awkward moment when they weren't exactly sure how to greet each other. Finally he just enveloped her in his arms. No one would ever accuse Hotch of being a hugger but something about it felt right. “You look fantastic.”

“So do you. Shall we?”

He smiled again, holding the door for her. Hotch let the scent of her amazing perfume guide his footsteps. Tonight he was finally going to be able to ask her what it was. She wore it well, just like that outfit and every one he’d seen her in for the past six weeks. Hotch crossed his fingers even though he was in no way superstitious. He would need all the luck he could get not to screw this up tonight.

000

“Oh my God, I'm stuffed.” Emily walked out of the restaurant laughing and clutching her stomach. “That was absolutely amazing.”

“I'm in awe of how much food you can put into that small frame.” Hotch replied.

“My mother cursed me with many of her traits. She blessed me with a lightning fast metabolism.”

They decided on the Kashmiri sampler, which advertised as a delight for every sense. There was chicken, lamb, duck, and shrimp made with a variety of spices and sauces. There was rice, breads, veggies…it definitely was as good as advertised. The couple drank wine, swayed to fantastic, upbeat music, and talked. The only thing Emily did more than eat was talk.

She wouldn’t call herself shy, neither would anyone who knew her, but she was guarded with people she didn’t know. Despite nearly six weeks of having an imaginary, whirlwind romance with the man, Aaron Hotchner was a stranger. It didn’t feel like that tonight. As soon as they were seated and looking at the menu, he broke the ice with ‘ _I’ll tell you my worst habit if you tell me yours. We’ll have nowhere left to go but up_ ’. He was right…they went up and up.

Now they stood outside the restaurant with full bellies and a case of the giggles that Emily probably hadn't experienced since puberty. Hotch had a hand resting on her hip; she felt like she was flying. A part of her wanted to ask him how he felt. Emily didn’t want his answer to ruin her high. And she was definitely high.

“Would you like dessert?” she asked instead, almost breathless.

“You actually have room for dessert?” Hotch countered his hazel eyes sparkling with his smile.

“Don’t be insane, Agent Hotchner, there's always room for dessert. The Georgetown Diner is just a few blocks from here.”

“OK.” He nodded and they started walking.

Hotch wasn’t sure what to hold or touch so he kept his hands to himself. Emily was doing the same so he figured it was OK. In the restaurant there was lots of nice hand touches over laughter and candlelight. He sensed that she was just as guarded as he was, even if it was for entirely different reasons.

He was shocked, pleasantly, that he felt he could crack open the heavy fortress doors with her. Of course the feeling also concerned him. They walked into the diner, nominally crowded for a Saturday at 10pm. Emily smiled at the hostess.

“Hey Charlie, how are you?”

“I'm great. It’s been a while, Emily.”

“Finals week was an ass kicker this semester. With summer coming, just try to get rid of me.”

Charlie laughed, grabbing two menus.

“I think your favorite table is available.” She said.

“That’s great news. Forgive me for being rude. Charlie, this is my friend, Aaron.”

“Hi.” Hotch held his hand up to wave.

“Hello there. It's nice to meet you.”

They sat at Emily’s favorite table and took their menus.

“How’s Captain Jack?” Charlie asked.

“Oh, um…he's fine. You'll probably see him next weekend.”

“Great; he's always an adventure. Someone will be over in a few minutes to take your order.”

Emily managed a little smile but focused intently on her menu as Charlie walked away.

“Captain Jack?” Hotch asked.

“Hmm?”

“Who's Captain Jack?”

“He's my son.” Emily replied. _The son I had no intention of telling you about on our first date_ , she thought.

“How old is he?”

“He just turned three in April.”

“That’s a great age.” Hotch smiled.

“Do you have kids, Hotch?” Emily asked.

“No, um, my brother has a set of twins; they're five now. I don’t see them much but I do get pictures every few months. I wished my brother saw them more but he moved to New York recently for work. His um…she lives in Alexandria.”

“Baby mama.” Emily replied.

“That’s such an insulting term. So is baby father.”

“No, baby father is fine. Baby daddy is insulting. I've always preferred ‘the hump who knocked me up’ but I'm special.”

“Are you…?”

“I'm joking, Hotch.”

Her face broke out in a big grin and so did his. Emily was relieved he didn’t lose it about Jack. Not that she could do anything about being a mother, and she didn’t want to change it. Jack was her blessing; a miracle Emily never thought she’d experience.

“I knew that.” he said as the waitress approached the table.

“Mmm hmm,”

Emily ordered the two scoop sundae with extra caramel, marshmallow fluff, and two cherries. Hotch wanted a slice of double chocolate cake and coffee.

“You're going to love it.” Emily said. “It’s delicious.”

“I'm looking forward to it. Do you mind if we talk a little more about your son?”

“Well…”

“Its fine if you don’t want to.” Hotch held up his hand.

“I honestly just didn’t expect to drop the kid bomb on the first date. It scares men off and I wanted to gauge things before I went there. I'm always gonna be Jack’s mother.”

“If you really liked me it’s probably better to know upfront that I don’t like kids.”

“You don’t like kids?” Emily asked.

“Oh no, I'm just saying. I can admit to not spending much time with them. That will change in a few months time though; I’ll be an Uncle again.”

“Your brother’s having another child?”

“No, my sister-in-law is pregnant. This is the first child for her and her husband, who also happens to be my best friend. It’s hard not to get caught up in the hubbub.”

“You just used the word hubbub.” She laughed.

“Yes, I did.” He smiled.

“I’ll make you a deal, Hotch. We’ll talk about Jack a little more on our second date. And you can tell me how your best friend ended up married to your sister-in-law, or vice-versa. How does that sound?”

“It sounds like music to my ears.” Hotch replied.

***

“You look...happy.”

“You don’t have to say it like that.”

“How did I say it?”

“You said it as if it was improbable, Morgan.”

Hotch looked up from his paperwork. He wanted to wipe that knowing smirk from Morgan’s face. He frequently wanted to do that but found Morgan was right more than he was wrong. They'd been partners, friends, and sometimes adversaries for a decade now.

Derek Morgan would take a bullet for people he cared about, and had. Hotch knew he was one of those people. Of course there were also times when Hotch wanted to shoot him in the ass for being so infuriating. That had something to do with being right and knowing it.

“Improbable isn’t the word I’d use.” Derek said, leaning back on the couch eating Mooshu from a carton. “I was thinking more of infrequent.”

“The past four years…” Hotch couldn’t even finish the sentence. How he hadn't fallen apart he had no idea. He had Sam and Jessie. He had Morgan and Rossi. He had his job, which he threw himself into even more than usual. He went from being a workaholic to something that he couldn’t quite define. All he did in the house he and Haley once shared was sleep and often Hotch couldn’t do that.

“That bastard will get his, and then you might be able to find some closure.” Morgan’s jaw tightened just thinking of George Foyet.

The FBI agent wanted to take care of the coward himself but Hotch wouldn’t let him. Hotch believed in justice. Morgan believed that justice was too good for some. He’d seen a lot over his decade in the FBI. Nothing would ever take away the memory of Hotch bleeding to death in his bed and Haley already dead. To not even be safe at home…it happened to other people but not the ones he loved.

 

“I doubt it.” Hotch rubbed his eyes. It had been a long day and his contacts were starting to irritate him. He pulled the eye drops from this top drawer. “Forgive me, but I don’t want to talk about George Foyet.”

“So why don’t you do something very un-Hotch like and tell me what's got you so happy? The random smiles have people around here scratching their heads. Share…particularly if it’s salacious.”

“I've met someone.” Hotch replied. He was alternately guilty for not telling Morgan sooner and fearful that talking about it could jinx the whole thing.

“Aww snap.” Morgan sat up wearing a Cheshire cat grin. “You’ve been holding out on me; partners aren’t supposed to do that. Details, brother, I want details.”

“There's not much to tell right now.”

“The look on your face betrays the words from your mouth.”

“We've only been on two dates but I think we’re both looking forward to date #3. We’re having dinner on Sunday evening at this new place in Chevy Chase called Camille. This is the fancy date. I like her Morgan; she’s a breath of fresh air. She’s smart, funny, and very beautiful.”

“How did you meet?” Morgan asked. “You better not tell me a blind date cuz when I tried to hook you up, you brushed me off.”

“I met her on the train. We ride the same train almost everyday…she works at the University.”

“Which one? Do you know how many universities are in the DC Corridor?”

“She teaches at American.” Hotch replied. “She's a truly brilliant woman, Morgan. She speaks five languages fluently, including Arabic and 12 conversationally. She loves Hitchcock and Woody Allen films and has a soft spots for gritty 70s TV shows like _The Rockford Files_ and _Quincy_. I'm waiting with bated breath for her to realize that I'm boring.”

“In a few more dates she will.” Morgan said grinning.

Hotch smirked, balling up a piece of paper and tossing it at him.

“Does she know about Haley?” Morgan asked turning serious.

“She knows that I'm a widower, that’s all. I honestly don’t know how to bring up the rest of it. We’ll have to talk about it eventually if we keep seeing each other. I really hope to keep seeing her and if I do, in a few months she’d going to wonder why I have to go to court everyday. I’ll have to face him there, and listen to testimony day in and day out about him slaughtering my wife and leaving me for dead.

“I'm sure they’ll cart out plenty of pictures and video for effect. The defense will paint me as the mastermind who used his FBI wits to get away with murder to plant some seed of reasonable doubt. I’ll have to listen to how he stalked us for months and months and most of it went unreported. My friends may have to get on the stand to testify to my state of mind around the time of the murders. Everyone is going to find out that Haley was 14 weeks pregnant with a child that was not mine.”

Hotch took a deep, ragged breath. This was all too much for him and it was coming around again. It was never going to be over.

“Why would the father of her child brutally murder her, they’ll ask? As if we haven’t seen that shit a million times before. How could she be fuckin him, Morgan, when we had a restraining order out against him? They’re going to paint them as two people in love and me as the odd man out. And I have to sit and listen to it.”

“Are you kidding me?” Morgan asked. “She was pregnant?”

“Yes.” Hotch gave a solemn nod. “I couldn’t make this kind of thing up if I tried. I won't be able to protect Jessie from hearing all of it. That makes me so angry that I can barely see straight. Why would I want to drag Emily into that abyss?”

“If she's anywhere near you, osmosis will pull her in Hotch, it doesn’t matter what you want. It’s not a pretty conversation but waiting isn’t going to change that. We all have unpleasantness in our past. How the people we could care about process the things we tell them separates the men from the boys.”

Emily had told him about Jack, not that a child came close to dealing with the harrowing tale of attempted murder. And that wasn’t even the end of the story. This story was still going on; Hotch smack in the middle of it. There was no end was in sight. Derek was right about this. If Emily was going to be someone in Hotch’s life, big or small, she’d have to know about Foyet. Still, what kind of jackass asked a women to dress pretty, took her to a place where he could easily spend a week’s pay, and said ‘ _By the way, I need to tell you the story of my getting stabbed nine times_ ’?

“I’ll tell her.” Hotch replied, still not sure when or how. “Three is a lucky date, that’s what I've heard, so if it goes well and we start spending more time together, I’ll tell her.”

“Three isn’t a lucky date, Hotch; it’s when you get lucky.” Morgan replied.

“I'm sorry?”

‘”For a lot of women, the third date is when its deemed OK to go to bed with a guy without looking too easy.”

“How do you know that?” Hotch asked.

“Lets just say I know a lot of women.” Morgan smiled.

Hotch rolled his eyes. Everyone had Derek Morgan pegged as a notorious ladies man. It was true that he liked the girls and the girls liked him. But Derek was raised by a strong woman and he always treated women with respect.

He just happened to like fun and love sex. It wasn’t a crime; it was just a sticky situation sometimes. Right now he was in what could turn out to be a serious relationship with Tina Lopez, who worked for the Secret Service. Morgan liked her so much he was breaking his #1 rule for her…never date a woman with a firearm.

“We’re definitely not ready for something like that.” Hotch said about he and Emily. “I'm enjoying her company and we want to take our time getting to know each other. I want to do this right, Morgan; I've already done it wrong.”

“No, you’ve been done wrong, Hotch. There’s a big difference.”

***

“Hi.” Emily opened the door and tried to smile. She wasn’t sure how this would go. Every time was a crapshoot lately.

“Oh my God, you look beautiful.” Jason Gideon walked into the condo holding his son’s hand. “Doesn’t Mommy look amazing, Jack?”

“Yes.” He grinned too, looking just like Emily’s father when he did.

“Where are you heading tonight?” Jason asked.

“I'm going out to dinner with a friend. Jack, sweetie, give Daddy a big hug and tell him bye bye.”

Jack did what his mother told him. Jason held on to his little boy; hardly wanted to let go. He kissed his cheek.

“I love you so much, Jack.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

“All the way to the moon and back.” Jason said.

“And ‘cross the uni-verse. Bye bye.” Jack kissed him and then ran up to Penelope’s room.

“I didn’t know you were dating.” Jason stood up, slipping his hands in his pocket.

“I'm not discussing it with many people.” Emily replied. “It’s new and I'm trying to…I don't know Jason.” She sighed.

“Is this a summer distraction?” he asked.

“He's more than that and I think you know that or you wouldn’t have asked.”

“Has he met Jack yet?”

“No. You know I don’t bring our son around strangers. He’s going to be here soon, so…”

“He’s coming here?”

“This is my house. It’s our third date; I thought he deserved to know where I lived.”

“It’s your house with my son.”

“Don’t even…” Emily stopped and took a deep breath. This was what he wanted. Jason would take the fight to prolong the moment. She’d been falling for it for years. It was over as of tonight. “Jason, I'm not doing this. Jack is upstairs; I sent him there for a reason. I'm asking you to say goodnight. I don’t want to have to ask twice.”

It seemed as if he wasn’t in the mood to go ten rounds either because Jason acquiesced. He walked to the door with Emily behind him. Turning to look at her when his hand was on the knob, he managed a smile.

“You really do look beautiful tonight.” He said. “I've always liked your hair curly.”

“Yeah, it’s so you could pretend I wasn’t a shiksa.”

That made Jason laugh and Emily smiled too. It really had been a long time since they had a true, pleasant moment. Losing that hurt more than all of it.

“Have a nice night, Katya.”

“Thank you.”

He pulled the door open just as Aaron Hotchner was about to knock. Jason dodged the fist and Hotch jumped back.

“I'm so sorry.” He smiled nervously.

“It’s alright. I was just leaving.”

Emily was shocked that Jason didn’t take the opportunity to stay and interrogate him. He just said goodnight once more before walking to the elevator. Emily quickly invited Hotch in and closed the door.

“Are those flowers for me?” she asked.

“Yes.” Hotch presented her with the maroon dahlias. He knew that maroon was one of Emily’s favorite colors. As soon as he saw them he was sure that nothing else would make her day.

“They're so beautiful.” She leaned to inhale them. “Thank you so much.”

“You're welcome.”

They were sharing a tender, but chaste, kiss when Penelope came downstairs with Jack.

“Mommy’s kissing!” Jack exclaimed.

Emily jumped a mile as Penelope covered Jack’s eyes. He tried to move her hand away.

“I'm so sorry, Emily.” She said. “We thought you were alone. I didn’t hear the door buzz.”

“Hotch arrived as Jason was leaving. Aaron Hotchner, this is Penelope Garcia and Jack Gideon.”

“It’s great to meet you.” Hotch shook Penelope’s hand and then Jack’s. “I've heard a lot about you both.”

“Ditto.” Penelope replied grinning.

“Ditto.” Jack repeated.

“He doesn’t mean that.” Penelope said. “He just loves to mimic. We’re sorry to interrupt.”

“Actually, we need to get going.” Emily said. “Penelope, please put these in water for me.” she handed her the dahlias. “And you Jack Jack!” she took her son from Penelope’s arms. “Be good and don’t stay up too late. I want you dreaming sweet dreams when I come back.”

“When are you coming back, Mommy?” Jack asked, twirling one of her curls around his tiny finger.

“I’ll be home in a few hours.” She kissed his nose. “Hotch and I are just going to have some dinner.”

Jack eyed Hotch warily but Hotch didn’t see any venom in his stare. He actually saw the same look Emily used to give him on the train when they first noticed each other.

“OK.” He smiled. “Be nice, Mr. Hotch.”

They all laughed as Emily put him down on the carpet. She tousled his sandy brown hair. Taking Hotch’s hand, she said goodnight, and left the condo.

“Wow, that was a lot.” She managed a little smile.

“I wasn’t sure if it was Grand Central Station or your condo.” Hotch replied.

“Well, you met some of the gang. Jack is my son and Penelope is his live-in nanny. Jason is Jack’s father.”

“Were you two married?” Hotch asked as the elevator door opened and they stepped in.

“No, that’s part of the reason that we’re no longer together. Though even that’s a bit deceptive. There are many, many reasons Jason and I aren’t together. I don’t want to spend the evening talking about him if that’s alright.”

“That’s fine by me. You look so beautiful tonight, Emily.”

She wore a black cocktail dress with matching kitten heels. Her long raven hair was curly tonight. Her beauty was so effortless; Hotch could hardly believe she wanted to spend an evening with him.

“Thank you.” she smiled, toying with his maroon tie. It was ugly but he wasn’t so Emily didn’t mind too much. “You're quite dapper yourself, Agent Hotchner. On looks alone we make a great couple tonight.”

“I think we might make a great couple in other ways as well.” Hotch replied. “I'm told by sources that the third date is important.”

“All I know is it’s the date where the guy usually gets laid.” Emily said as they walked out of the elevator, through the lobby of the Watergate East building, and outside. Hotch’s silver Chevy Silverado waited with the blinkers on. Sometimes it was great to have FBI placards. He held the passenger door for her. Emily stepped up and slid in. Hotch didn’t talk again until he was behind the wheel and pulling into traffic.

“That’s not on my mind, Emily, I hope you know that. I mean it might be back there somewhere but I want to take this slow. Getting to know each other well is important…it makes everything that comes after so much better.”

“I agree. I haven’t dated in a long time for a lot of different reasons. I want to enjoy being with someone and having them enjoy being with me. I've missed that much more than some of the other so-called benefits of dating.”

Hotch smiled, wondering how she would feel once she found out about George Foyet. He decided to tell her tonight, mostly because he was trying to think of ways not to tell her as they got to know each other better. There was no way to conceal this; God forbid that Emily found out some other way. It was the Internet age after all. So many people just went to Google for the information they sought.

For all Hotch knew, she already knew all about Haley, George Foyet, and anything else about him that she cared to know. She might have known before they even went out on their first date. Just like Hotch knew that she had no criminal background. It was a force of habit for him to check.

“Penny for your thoughts.” She said, sensing something on his mind.

“I'm excited about tonight.” He stopped at a red light and took her hand. Emily smiled when he slid his fingers through hers and pulled her hand to his lips.

“So am I, Aaron. Do you think you can drive with just the one hand?” she pulled their joined hands onto her lap.

“I think I should be alright. We don’t have too far to go.”

***

“I had such an amazing time tonight.” Hotch said smiling.

“Me too. Can I be honest and say I thought this was going to be bad.”

“Why?”

“This is when you find out the guy is secretly married, has some kind of strange fetish or drug habit, or something else equally strange. I was happy to know that I don’t have to worry about that with you. Or maybe you're just waiting for date #6…changing it up a bit.”

“No; there's nothing like that. Morgan told me that date #3 is when women know its OK to go to bed with a guy because they’re not going to look easy…and I can't believe I just said that.”

“Morgan is right.” Emily laughed. “But please don’t think that the coffee invite I was about to extend has anything to do with that.”

“You want to get coffee?” he asked.

“I was going to invite you up for coffee. If you want to, that is.”

“I’d prefer tea if you have it.”

“I do.” Emily nodded, smiling as she looked away from him.

They were stuck in traffic. Apparently there was a car accident and it must have been bad because traffic was at a virtual stand still. They didn’t know when they were going to get back into DC. Emily called Penelope on her cell phone and learned that Jack had been good, he was sound asleep. She was watching Footloose while playing in an online Tetris tournament with Kevin, Josh Beardsley, and Lizzie Evans. Emily told her they'd be home as soon as they could.

“Are you sure coming up will be OK? I don’t want Jack to start singing the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song.”

“He doesn’t know that song, at least not to my knowledge. And he’s only three so he still tells me everything he knows. Anyway, Penelope told me he’s all tucked in. Its OK if you don’t want to Hotch…I know we’re still navigating our way through this. I won't be offended in the least.”

Emily was a little concerned as Hotch hadn't made any overtly romantic gestures just yet. The few kisses had been very chaste and he took hold of her arm and vice versa but there was no handholding, except on the way to the restaurant. Still, he seemed old school and Emily liked that. There was more to consider than just her carnal urges.

She didn’t want a guy who thought the third date meant goodie time. She wanted someone she could grow with; have fun, romance, and just enjoy being with. She wanted someone who made her glow. Was this a fairy tale? Well hell, didn’t a woman deserve a little bit of a fairy tale?

“No, a cup of tea sounds nice.” Hotch replied. “This sitting in traffic is winding me up. I don't like that we’re barely moving.”

“I just hope everyone is alright.” Emily said. She wanted to look out the window. It was dark now but there were emergency lights ahead. Traffic was still crawling.

“So do I. Do you mind if I put on some music?”

Hotch turned on the radio. His favorite oldies station, the only thing he could stand longer than 15 minutes, slowed down in the evening. Journey sang _Faithfully_ and they both relaxed for what could be a longer ride than either anticipated.

***

When they finally got back to the condo, Emily kept the music going with her satellite radio. Richard Marx’s _Angelia_ played on the love songs station she always listened to while grading papers or going over projects. It always helped her come down after a long day…she had plenty of long days. They walked into the kitchen and Emily filled the kettle with water and put it on the stove. From there they moved to the living room.

“Why don’t you get comfortable.” She said. “I'm gonna check on Penelope and Jack.”

Hotch nodded, but when she walked away he took hold of her hand. Emily looked a bit confused but recognition dawned immediately. In his arms, she put her arms about his neck and surrendered to the kiss. It was passionate, strong, but there was something so sweet about it. A jolt of electricity went through her bloodstream and Emily quivered. Hotch pulled her closer, enveloping her in his arms and his kiss until they were both breathless.

“Wow.” She whispered, resting her forehead on his shoulder.

“I concur.” He kissed her temple.

“You concur?” she raised an eyebrow as she raised her head.

“It was the first thing that popped into my mind.”

She chuckled softly in her throat as Hotch kissed her nose. Then he kissed her lips again. Emily pulled away from him, which wasn’t easy, and headed up the stairs. First she walked down the hall and knocked on Penelope’s door.

“Come in.”

“Hey, just wanted to let you know that we’re back. We’re just going to have a little tea.”

“Emily, I am so sorry that we interrupted your moment earlier.” Penelope put her laptop down and got up from the bed.

“Don’t worry about it.” she smiled. “Hotch made it up to me a few minutes ago.”

“Oh Peaches.” Penelope’s eyes sparkled as she did a silent cheer.

“I better check on Jack so I can get back to my company.”

“Yes, yes, go.” Garcia shooed her out wearing a big grin.

Emily smiled too, going next door and looking in on Jack. He was curled up in bed with Constable Bear. The kid had so many stuffed animals but that black bear, dressed as a British constable was his favorite companion. Jack was asleep, the dim lamplight framing his hair and his sleeping face. Emily bent to kiss his cheek, and then gently stroked it.

“Sweet dreams, love of mine.”

She left the room, leaving the door ajar like she found it. Jack didn’t like being closed in almost as much as he didn’t like the dark. Emily went back downstairs just as the kettle began to whistle.

“Right on time.” she said with a smile.

“Do you want me to help?” Hotch attempted to stand.

“No,” she shook her head. “Don’t worry; you'll get to wait on me hand and foot when you invite me over to your place. I've got this under control; you just sit and relax. You don’t mind if I get comfy, do you?”

“No, this is your house.”

Emily slipped out of her kitten heels, making her way to the kitchen barefoot. There was something quite sexy about the way she slipped out of those heels. Hotch knew he really liked her if he noticed that. Actually, he noticed everything so that wasn’t quite true. He liked her because watching her slip out of those shoes turned him on. Damn Morgan for putting those thoughts in his head about date #3.

Emily made it clear that wasn’t on her mind. It shouldn’t be; they were still strangers. Not that you had to know someone well for the chemistry to be there. Hotch was practically a virgin, not that he was itching to say that aloud, he’d only been with one woman. How many men that woman had been with, he couldn’t say.

“Here we are.” Emily walked into the room with a full tea set.

Hotch stood as she approached. He carefully took the tea set, which looked like heirloom china, and placed it on the black lacquer and glass coffee table.

“This is a beautiful set.” He said.

“Thank you. My grandmother gave it to me when I got my PhD. She said all proper ladies had tea sets. It has come in handy over the years. I didn’t know what kind you might like so,” Emily lifted the top off a ceramic box with five compartments. “There's regular, regular decaf, raspberry, peppermint, and blackberry.”

“I’ll take blackberry.” He took two teabags as Emily grabbed two raspberry bags.

She poured hot water into the cups and picked up a box. They looked to Hotch like cigarettes.

“Do you mind? If you do I can surely wait…I don’t want to offend.”

“I didn’t know that you smoked.” Hotch couldn’t help the offense that laced his voice. He hated cigarettes actually; his father used to smoke a pack a day. His mother had been a social smoker as well. She stopped when she was diagnosed as clinically depressed and put on medication. That was 2 years after his father died of Stage 4 lung cancer. Hotch was still a teenager.

“I wouldn’t exactly call myself a smoker but I guess its semantics. I have one at the end of every day to calm my nerves. On bad days, I might have two. They're Ziganov cloves; black cherry vanilla flavored. As I said I surely don’t want to offend you.”

“No, that’s fine.” He put on a smile. “Indulge in your nightly ritual. I don’t mind.”

Emily looked at him intently. She couldn’t tell what was going on behind his eyes but she would light up anyway. If Date #3 turned out to be their last because of it then she would feel like a fool.

“Hotch, is something wrong?”

“Why would you ask me that?” he lifted his teacup and blew on it.

“Well you said you had a great time tonight, and I believe you. I did too. But I did notice that the joy in your voice didn’t quite make it to your eyes.”

“You're observant.” Hotch laughed nervously.

“It’s a blessing and a curse. What's up?”

She lit her clove and waited for him to speak. Emily didn’t know what to expect and tried to keep her heart from beating too quickly. It seemed improbable that he’d dump her after that kiss when they came in. Did you still call it dumping after three dates?

“I told you the day that we met that I was a widower.”

“Yes.” She nodded.

“Well, as much as I’d like to keep the entire story to myself, I need to tell you.”

“You can tell me anything.”

“My wife was murdered, Emily. She was murdered in September 2008.”

“Oh my God,” Emily covered her mouth. “That’s so horrible. I'm so sorry.”

“Bear with me as I tell you this story.” Hotch put the teacup back on the tray. His hands were shaking. Only Sam and his lawyer, CeCe Hillenbrand, knew the whole dirty story. He was sure giving Emily every grisly detail wasn’t the best idea. Hotch just feared that once he started it would be difficult to stop. That was if he could get it out at all…he was digging through a deep and painful quagmire. He took a deep breath.

“I met my late wife, Haley, when I was a college junior at Duke. She was a freshman. We were together from that point on. We married I graduated law school. I worked in the Raleigh-Durham prosecutor’s office, and was then recruited into the FBI and the BAU.”

“What's the BAU?” Emily asked.

“I’ll tell you about that later, OK?”

Emily nodded, realizing now that she knew little about his job. Hotch didn’t talk about it and she hadn't asked. She just knew he worked for the FBI…that’s what his card said. She sat back on the couch, crossing her leg as she took a deep inhale of her clove.

“In the spring of 2007, I found out that Haley was having an affair with a man named George Foyet. He taught at the high school where she volunteered. It shook our marriage to the core. I loved her, wanted to work it out, but I also never felt a betrayal like that in my life. I remember my father had so many mistresses and I know how it made my mother feel. I always swore I would never do that to someone I loved. I had to done to me instead.” He smiled but it was sad.

“We were separated for months but got back together in the beginning of 2008. Haley said she wanted to work it out as well. In hindsight, I should've just walked away. Our marriage had been over in so many ways before I ever found out about the affair. I couldn’t leave though…I couldn’t fail.

“Haley blamed me for everything; my work mostly. She said she didn’t sign on for being left alone all the time. I wanted to fix it because there was a part of me that felt like I messed it up.”

Hotch stopped talking and could actually feel the weight of his silence. He added a bit of hot water to his lukewarm tea and drank some. What he just told Emily had been the easy part. He looked at her; what she did next surprised him. She put her clove out, scooted closer to him on the couch, and took both hands in his.

“You're never going to be there again, Hotch.” she said. “You're here with me and I'm holding on. Take a deep breath; let it all out.”

He closed his eyes, squeezing her hands and exhaling. Sometimes it was so close he could reach out and touch it. None of it had gotten to the point yet where it was too far away to grasp, and it never might. But it couldn’t hurt him anymore. Deep down Hotch knew that. He didn’t always believe it but he knew it.

“In May 0f 2008, Haley’s ex-lover began to stalk us. There were increasing amounts of hang up calls to our house. The tires on our cars were slashed, our bushes set on fire; all kinds of vengeful things. He started showing up when I was away for work…sending flowers and gifts when I was home. I told Haley we needed to get a restraining order.

“She seemed reluctant but I pushed and she gave in. She swore to me that he wasn’t dangerous, just upset. I wasn’t buying it for a minute. I got the restraining order fast tracked since I'm a federal agent, and the harassment became a matter of record. There were a few things that happened after that but for the most part he just left us alone.

“Unfortunately, none of that did a thing to make my marriage work. The damage was irreparable but I wouldn’t give up. Haley was as distant as ever and the job kept me traveling at least two weeks a month. I started to suspect she was seeing him again behind my back.

“That violated the restraining order and our vows. I’d had enough...it was over and I needed to face the truth. I planned to talk to her about it, end things with dignity, but she was sick that night so I just let her sleep. The next thing I remember is the awful screaming.”

Hotch stopped again, fighting the pull of the demons trying to take him back to that bedroom. He hadn't stepped foot in that room since that night. He’d gone there so many times in his head. What could he have done differently? How could he have saved Haley and himself?

“I was groggy as I came to; had sustained some blunt force trauma to the head. All I saw was a dark figure on top of Haley; a goblin. Oh my God,” he gasped. “I just remembered that my first thought was a goblin. I jumped out of the bed to help but immediately fell on the floor again. The screaming was so loud but still sounded far away. Then it just stopped.

“I was up on my knees, trying to crawl back into bed, when someone kicked me in my face. The goblin was on top of me and he was stabbing me. I remember that he talked to me. I know words came out of his mouth but to this day I have no idea what he said. It didn’t matter anyway; I passed out eventually. When I came to I was covered in blood, so was Haley, and Morgan stood above me with a mortified look on his face.”

“Morgan is your partner, right?” Emily asked.

“Yes.” Hotch nodded. “When I wasn’t at work by eight he knew something was wrong. He came over, found us, and called 911. He got there just in time…I may have bled to death. It was too late for Haley. She was beaten, raped, stabbed 17 times, and strangled to death. We…”

“Stop.” Emily put her fingers on his lips. “Don't tell me anymore. I know you need to talk about this but you need to breathe more. Let me see if I can fill in some of the holes. Please tell me if I get it wrong.”

Hotch nodded, glad to stop talking. So many people thought what happened to him and Haley in that bed was hell on earth. If only he’d been that lucky. What happened after would leave the lasting scars.

“George murdered Haley and tried to murder you.” she said. “He’s about to stand trial for those acts.”

“He didn’t want to kill me, he wanted me to suffer. He stabbed me nine times but none of the wounds were fatal. There's a lot more in the middle but it’s probably better if we stop here tonight.”

“Yeah.” she nodded. “C'mere.”

She pulled him into a hug. First Hotch stiffened and then he relaxed in her arms, exhaling. He held her as tightly as she held him and neither let go for a while. Emily rubbed the center of his back; Hotch never felt something so comforting. He sighed and bent to kiss her shoulder. When they came apart again, Hotch kissed her tenderly on the lips.

“I should probably go.” He said reluctantly. “After the great time we had tonight I feel horrible ending on this note. But with the trial approaching, I knew there would be some changes in me. I didn’t want you to be hurt or confused by my behavior.”

“I'm glad you told me but it did nothing to diminish my feelings about tonight, Hotch. It didn’t diminish my feelings for you either.”

He managed a smile, his dimples coming out of their hiding place. They stood up from the couch and held hands as they walked to the door together.

“I’ll probably be out of town next week for work.” he told her. “My job requires its fair share of travel and we’ll talk about that soon too. But you can always reach me by cell phone if you just want to talk.”

“I won't bother you while you're working.” Emily replied.

“Should we make plans for the week after or should I call you when I'm back in town?” Hotch asked.

“Just call me. I definitely want to make plans but it’s probably better to do that knowing when you're available.”

“OK.” He nodded. “Thank you so much for tonight, Emily; I'm glad we were together.”

“Whenever you want to talk, about anything, you know where to find me. I'm told I'm a great listener.”

“I know you are.” Hotch kissed her. “Goodnight.”

“Drive safely and text me when you get home. Goodnight.”

Hotch squeezed her hand. Then he opened the door and walked out of the condo. Emily watched him walk down the hall, closing the door when he got to the elevator. She closed the door, leaned on it, and sighed. Oh my God, he was the most amazing man ever.

His story was so sad, heartbreaking, but he would get through this. She couldn’t say he trusted her, they didn’t know each other well enough, but he let down his guard to let her into that nightmare. She’d actually read about George Foyet and the murder of Haley Hotchner, but that had been a long time ago. Emily hadn't put two and two together even when Hotch said he was a widower.

Starting tomorrow, she would read up on it a lot more. Maybe she would even let some of her guard down too when the time came. If they were going to get closer, which they both seemed to want, he would have to get to know her son better. That meant that Emily would have to tell him about Jason…she couldn’t leave the poor man defenseless.

Humming _Anticipation_ along with the radio, Emily walked back into the living room. She sat down on the couch and lit another clove. A second was required after the intensity of that conversation. Nothing worth having was ever easy and she believed Aaron Hotchner was worth having. She also believed the hard things were just beginning.

***

 _Dusty words lying under carpets  
Seldom heard well must you keep your secrets  
Locked inside hidden safe from view  
Well, is it all that hard  
Is it all that tough  
Well, I've shown you all my cards now isn't that enough  
You can hide your hurt  
But, there's something you can do_

Emily and Jordan both laughed as they belted out their worst ‘best’ Stevie Nicks in The Gap. What did they care that everyone looked at them like they inhaled paint fumes? That just made them laugh more.

“Oh my God, do you remember when I used to shop for myself?” Emily asked, grabbing a pair of cargo khaki shorts. Jack would probably grow out of them in a month or so. He was growing faster than she could keep up.

“Do you mean shop at The Gap or just shopping in general?” Jordan countered. “Cuz one is a little hazier than the other.”

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in Gap clothes these days. But that’s a personal decision.”

Jordan nodded, sipping her cinnamon chai. Then she looked at Emily.

“Are we snobs?” she asked.

“Probably. But I mean, c'mon, no one over 35 should buy their clothes from The Gap. It’s a rule. I don’t make them…I just follow.”

“Don’t shop at The Gap must be the only rule you ever followed.”

“Uh uh; no white shoes after Labor Day. That’s wrong on levels that cannot be measured.”

They were laughing again, weaving their way through shelves, stacks, and racks of hipster kid’s clothes. Most of Jack’s wardrobe came from Gap and Old Navy. They could take his beatings and Penelope’s washings, neither of which they were guaranteed to survive.

“OK,” Jordan looked at her watch. “It’s been 45 minutes and I didn’t jump on you. Tell me all about him.”

“45 minutes…I am so proud of you. That must be a record.”

“Just spill it. I'm your bestest friend; I should've had all the dirty, flirty details by now. There are some dirty details right?”

“I can say with certainty that he is an exceptional kisser.” Emily replied.

“That’s it?”

“I already told you we’re really taking this slow. If I knew anymore than that I’d be a hypocrite.”

“OK, tell me everything you know.”

Emily had been telling Jordan everything she knew for the longest time. They met at American University. Emily came from Yale to get her Masters in International Affairs and Arabic. Jordan was in the International Studies undergrad program. They both came from prominent political families. Both of Emily’s parents were foreign Ambassadors and her stepmother was a State Department attaché.

Jordan’s father was Robert Todd, a serious bigwig at the Department of Justice. Her mother, the former Elizabeth ‘Betsy’ Cole, was one of the first African-American supermodels, who parlayed her worldliness into philanthropy. Both girls spent their childhoods traveling all over the world. They were fluent in multiple languages and well-versed in every damn thing. They both partied too hard and wished for more intimacy and less indoctrination from their parents. They found kindred spirits in each other.

From Ziganov cloves to Western European nightclubs to unhealthy teenage girl crushes on Portuguese vixens…Emily and Jordan practically lived the same life. They called DC, and adulthood, recovery. Jordan now worked at the State Department in their Bureau of Intelligence and Research. Emily’s stepmother Natalie was one of her superiors. She was also having a long term doomed love affair with Bruno Hawkes of the CIA while not so secretly seeing Rick Ware of the U.S. Secret Service.

No wonder she hardly had time to make plans with Emily. Jordan and Bruno bore striking similarities to Emily and Jason, which didn’t surprise either woman. The glaring difference was Jordan’s fear that cutting him off completely would quickly turn her life into an episode of _Dateline_. Powerful men had a tendency to not take getting dumped lightly.

“We just went on Date #4 this week.” Emily said.

“You're still keeping count?”

“When do you stop?”

“After you sleep together.” Jordan replied.

“Well that hasn’t happened yet. I like getting to know him; it’s been a great experience.”

“And he's a babe right?”

“Oh God, Jordan,” she grabbed a graphic tee. “He's really a babe. He has these dimples…oh sweet Lord. But it’s more than just his looks. He’s smart and he’s sweet and very kind. He accidentally found out about Jack on our first date and he didn’t run for the hills.”

“But you said he’s a widower. Is he all damaged?” Jordan asked. “Did his wife die of some long lasting disease or something like that?”

“It’s nothing you ever need to bring up in his presence but his wife was murdered.”

“Oh my God!” Jordan gasped. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. It’s a sad story but Hotch is doing his best to move on.”

“Wow, so that’s why you're taking it so slow. I guess I can see the merit in that. And when you say murdered, what exactly do you mean?”

“Well how many different ways can you be murdered?” Emily asked. She was walking to the register and Jordan followed.

“I watch _Dateline_ …there are a million actually.”

“I don’t want to tell all of his personal business. Suffice to say it a quite traumatic experience. Hotch is doing his best to move on.”

“Emily, is he damaged?”

“Jordan…”

“What? I'm looking out for you cuz I love you. You know all about Bruno being a hot ass mess. I don't know what happened to his wife and twin sons but the rumor is that the Iranians took them out for some shit that happened in the 80s.”

Emily looked at her with skepticism. Bruno was a spook, which was scary enough. She didn’t believe anything he said or what was said about him. Bruno Hawkes probable wasn’t even his real name. Shaking her head, Emily laid the clothes on the counter.

“Iranians?”

“I said it was a rumor. The truth of the matter is that his wife and sons are dead. Don’t even get me started on the theories.”

“Please don’t. You know that guy creeps me out.”

“I'm slowly phasing him out. He tends to like his women bought and paid for these days.” Jordan said. “He writes them off on his tax return.”

“How's that phasing out working for you?” Emily asked, smirking.

“Year three…I'm closer than ever.”

“Don’t lose a good guy like Rick dealing with that fool.”

“Let us get back to your sweet, damaged man please.” Jordan said. “You owe me so many stories.”

“There isn’t much to tell yet.” Emily ran her debit card through the machine. “We have fun but we've also had a few serious conversation.”

“Have things gotten…?”

“We’re not ready for that. It’s been a long time for us both and we’ve been hurt before. I’d be crazy, and lying, if I said I wasn’t attracted to him. But this is gonna be more than that, Jordan. I promised myself something more.”

“You think it could be sumthin sumthin?” Jordan asked as they left the store.

It was an overcast day but the temperatures were warm. The streets were bustling with shoppers, families, and summer bunnies. Emily loved this time of year. It was perfect for people watching with her best friend.

“I'm hopeful.” She said. “God, it’s been so long I'm not even sure I know how to have a relationship. At least I'm with someone who’s on the same page as me where these things are concerned. The last thing either of us needs right now is a shot clock.”

“When do I get to meet him? I need to silently size him up.”

“Soon I hope. Meeting friends and family can be scary but Hotch is a personable guy…you'll like him.”

“Oh yay!” Jordan clapped. “Lets celebrate.”

“Whatever shall we do?” Emily asked.

“Cocktails and credit cards is an oldie but goodie. I still have Bruno’s if you still have Jason’s. Its worth one more fuck…I'm doing this for us.”

“I'm in.” Emily had Jason’s Amex in her purse. “Lets get lunch and talk some more. It’s been too long…I want massive amounts of best friend time.”

“Me too.” Jordan slipped her arm into Emily’s. “And I wanna talk more about Special Agent Sweet and Kind.”

They laughed as they made their way to one of the many bistros in Old Town Alexandria.

***

“Hi.” Emily dashed across the bed to answer her ringing cell phone. She’d been in the bathroom, freshening up for date #5 with Hotch. She was still counting and the wait was worth it.

“Hey Emily, are you alright? You sound breathless.”

“I was trying to answer the phone before it went to voicemail. I can admit to making a mad dash for it. What’s up?”

“I'm really sorry but I'm going to have to cancel tonight’s plans.” Hotch said.

“Oh.” Emily couldn’t hide the disappointment in her voice.

She didn’t see it coming and had been looking forward to spending the time with him. He was traveling for work last week so they hadn't seen each other at all. It was almost the fourth week of June and insane schedules only allowed Hotch and Emily to see each other once since tea and George Foyet. At first Emily was concerned that Hotch would pull away after revealing too much of himself that night. She almost managed to convince herself she was being paranoid when he called to cancel their plans.

“I'm so sorry, Emily.”

“It’s OK. Is everything alright?”

“Well Sam is trying to get home from Boston as we speak because Jessie is in labor. Its possible he could be home within an hour or…I'm staying here with her until he arrives.”

“That’s the best canceled date excuse I've ever gotten.” Emily laughed some. “Is she alright?”

“Minus the labor pains, she's doing just fine. She’s worried because she’s about 3 weeks early and she's afraid Sam won't get here in time.”

“You should go and be with her. I think you're a pretty awesome big brother and I’ll tell you to your face when I see you again. In fact, if Sam gets there and you get shooed away, you should stop by later. I'm sure I can dig up something for us to do.”

“I don’t want to put out Penelope and Jack.” Hotch replied, wanting to say yes more than anything. He hadn't seen her in over a week and didn’t like it. They spoke on the phone but it wasn’t the same.

“You're in luck; Agent Hotchner…Jack is with his dad for the next two weeks. Penelope is partying with friends; there's a chance she’ll make it home before the sun comes up. Tonight it’s just me.”

“Oh.” Hotch’s mouth went dry thinking about being alone with her. He’d done his best to keep his hands to himself where Emily was concerned. That was getting more difficult with each passing day. “If I'm done before eleven I’ll be there.”

“Good.” She smiled. “I know Jessie and I don’t know each other but tell her that I've been there and she's going to do just fine.”

“I will, and I promise to introduce you two soon. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.”

Emily hung up the phone, the smile still on her face. It had been so long since she was smitten with anyone, and she was definitely smitten with Aaron Hotchner. She was alone tonight and if he was able to make it, she was definitely ready to get romantic. When they kissed, Emily got weak in the knees. When they touched, it was amazing.

With Emily not teaching this summer now was the perfect time to explore where this relationship could go. While Hotch’s schedule was unpredictable, Emily didn’t know much about the BAU except travel was required, they were together as much as they could be. If she had any kind of luck they would be together tonight too. Emily practically shivered in anticipation. Until then she would relax, make something to eat, pour some wine…a night in could be nice.

***

“What if he doesn’t make it?” Jessie practically whispered. She didn’t want to say it aloud. That was bad luck and she wanted no bad luck today.

“He’ll be here.” Hotch patted her hand. “When he called he said he was sure about a flight. He’s a Federal Marshal, Jess; he gets perks.”

“I'm scared Aaron.”

“You don’t need to be scared. I know how long you’ve been preparing for this. Sam will be here and if he can't make it, I’ll take care of you. We’ll get through this together.”

“You’ve never assisted in childbirth.” Jessie replied.

“That’s not true. Five years ago, Morgan and I helped a woman deliver a baby in Eugene. I also brought a calf into the world once…bet you didn’t know that. Sam can't make that claim.” Hotch smiled, his dimples showing.

“No.” Jessie gritted her teeth through another contraction. “I can say with certainty that I know nothing of Sam helping to deliver a cow.”

“Ha, I win!”

Jessie smiled. She leaned back on the pillows, squeezing his hand again doing the transitional breathing. They seemed so close together but the nurse was just there and said it wasn’t time. Her body certainly seemed to be telling her another story. Maybe someone should come back.

“Aaron?”

“Yeah?”

“I don't know if I ever truly thanked you.” she said.

“What are you thanking me for?” Hotch asked.

“You're the one who brought Sam into my life. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone so completely until I met him. It always made me so sad that while I was finding the most awesome happiness things were falling apart with you and Haley.”

“That wasn’t your fault. I knew you and Sam were perfect for each other and I wanted to make that happen. The universe would’ve conspired against me if I kept you two apart. I had enough trouble.”

“You’ve been so good to me…treated me like family.” She said.

“You are family, Jessie. None of that in-law stuff for us…I've known you forever. You're giving birth to my niece or nephew today.”

“I'm also giving birth to your godchild.” Jessie said. “Sam and I talked about it; well we really didn’t have to talk much. We want you to be the baby’s godfather. If anything happens to us we know that you'll take care of him; or her.”

“I most certainly will. I'm honored that you thought of me.” Hotch gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

“There was no one else to think of.”

“Jess? Baby? Jessie?” Sam poked his head into the room, smiling at his wife and best friend. “Hey baby.”

“You made it.” Jessie’s whole face glowed when she smiled.

“I walked.”

***

It was a little after nine when Emily’s door buzzed. She was on her couch with a glass of Riesling, a clove, and a tattered Kathleen Woodiwiss novel. It had been a relaxing night in, made even more so when the rain came. Emily opened her balcony doors, letting in the fragrant breeze that was nearly cool.

She put the book face down on the coffee table, took one more inhale from the clove before stubbing it out, and went over to the door. Looking through the peephole, Emily saw totally casual Hotch. He was dressed in blue Adidas track pants and a Duke Law tee shirt.

“Hi.” She pulled open the door.

“Hey there.” Stepping over the threshold, Hotch wrapped his arms around her. It felt good to hold her and feel her breathe against him.

“Did Jessie have the baby?”

“Not yet. Sam told me he didn’t know when it was going to be so I should probably just head home. I said I would stay if they wanted but Jessie shooed me out. She knew I postponed our evening together to be there with her.”

“Are you hungry? I wasn’t sure if you'd be here or not but I threw a couple of burgers on the Foreman Grill.”

“I'm starving.” Hotch patted his empty belly as he and Emily went to the kitchen.

She had everything laid out for him. Two burgers, wheat buns, and an array of condiments sat on the table. Emily warmed the burgers in the microwave before they sat down at the table.

“I hope you don’t mind but I'm going to eat both of these.” Hotch said.

“Have at it; I want you to enjoy yourself.” She smiled. “What would you like to drink? I have iced tea, beer, water, wine, and Coke.”

Hotch wanted iced tea. Emily poured him a big glass and placed it in front of him.

“Can I ask you an almost personal question?” Hotch took a big bite of his burger.

“Sure.”

“What was it like when you had Jack?”

“Oh, it was awesome.” Emily grinned. “I opted to have him at a birthing center instead of a hospital, and we did it in water. A midwife and nurse were there with us. The water lessened the intensity of the contractions and the trauma on the baby. It was a great environment. There were whale songs over the speakers and a gentle breeze blowing through the room. I loved it.”

“You sound like a walking advertisement.” Hotch replied.

“If Jessie and I were friends I would’ve recommended it. It wasn’t painless, by any stretch, but it was natural.”

“And why did you pick the name Jack? Is his first name John?”

“Nope, he's just Jack. A couple of months before he was born, he was bouncing up a storm in my belly. My stepmother put her hand on my stomach and asked me if I was having a baby or a jackrabbit. After that I just called him my little jackrabbit. So of course when I had a boy Jack was the only name I wanted. Jason had a problem with it.”

“Why?”

“According to Jewish tradition, the firstborn son should be named after someone who has passed on of a natural death. The child’s deeds over life will elevate the soul of a person who passed on and the dead person’s deeds will serve as a path for the child. Their souls will be forever connected. Jason wanted to name him Daniel, after his late father.

“I refused...I was stuck on Jack. Jason asked twice more; I refused again. He begged and pleaded so finally I gave in. We named him Daniel Jack Gideon; it was announced at his bris.”

“You actually had a bris?” Hotch asked. He’d finished one burger and started another.

“Yes. It was important to Jason so it was important to me. I was going to circumcise Jack anyway; may as well do it traditionally.”

“What was the resistance to naming him Daniel then?”

“Honestly?”

“Yeah.” Hotch nodded.

“I just wanted Jason to beg. I wanted to take him down a peg or two. It was wrong but I did it. You see, well it’s a long story but suffice to say that Jason and I had been done for almost a year when a one-night stand got me pregnant with Jack. Now we’ll always be connected so I figured I’d get some revenge.

“The end of my relationship with Jason was anything but fun…I thought he deserved it. I'm actually quite happy that I'm not bitter anymore. It didn’t do anything but hurt me, and cause wrinkles. Our son will always be Jack, that’s what everyone calls him; even his father. But the Daniel part is important too.”

“Does Jason practice his faith?”

This was the most Emily ever talked about Jason so Hotch thought he would ask some questions while she was feeling open.

“No. He’s much more of a Jewish man by culture than religion.” Emily said. “He does have a Masters degree in religious studies…he’s an infuriatingly brilliant man.”

“You loved him once.”

The words caused Emily to pause. It was neither a question nor a statement, they were just words. They made Emily realize she was entering uncharted territory. She hadn't talked to Hotch about Jason. It was a long, sordid history better given over time and not in one lump sum. Jason wasn’t going anywhere; he was Jack’s father. That didn’t mean that Emily wanted to overdo talking about him.

“We were together for a long time before the breakup so yes, I did love him. Jack is the best thing that ever happened to me. If the consequence of being his mother is an eternal connection to Jason…so be it. I'm a big girl; I can handle it.”

“I bet you can.” Hotch grinned as he finished off the second burger and put a hurting on the iced tea. Emily got up and poured some more. Hotch tried not to stare so hard but she was a sexy woman. She wore pink lounge shorts and a grey tank top. Her feet were bare and her hair back in a ponytail.

“I'm glad you were able to come tonight.” She handed him the glass. “I hated that you had to cancel, though I understood. Being there for Jessie was more important than my selfishness.”

“We didn’t cancel, just postponed. I'm here now…what do you wanna do?”

Emily almost blushed when he asked. She knew the plan tonight was dinner, drinks, and conversation at the pub around the corner. She also knew that no one would be home for the rest of the evening.

“Honestly, the plan was to get as romantic as possible while we had some time alone.”

“Is that really what you were thinking?” Hotch asked.

“Mmm hmm,” Emily nodded.

Hotch stood from the chair, holding his hand out for her. They were wrapped in each other’s arms in a matter of moments. Emily’s kisses were passionate and longing. It had been so damn long, not just since she had sex but since she’d been with someone who made her quiver like Hotch did. When his hands moved down to cup her ass, Emily almost jumped out of her skin. Hotch laughed low in his throat.

The kisses stopped for a little while and they just held each other. Holding her made Hotch’s heart beat faster. It had been six weeks since their first date so it wouldn’t be horrible if they succumbed to desire tonight. Hotch felt it from their first real kiss and he knew Emily did too. He was a bundle of inexperienced nerves but was positive that he would be able to express how she made him feel.

“Emily…”

“Hmm?”

“There's a problem. Well, I wouldn’t call it…more like a dilemma. Perhaps it’s an issue.”

“What's the matter?” she asked. She stood on her tiptoes to give him another kiss. Emily caressed his face.

“I have some scars from when I was attacked. They're pretty horrendous. I just don’t want to freak you out.”

“I understand.” Emily nodded. “It wouldn’t freak me out but I appreciate the warning. I want you Aaron; the scars mean nothing.”

“I just…” he whispered.

“We don’t have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. But I really want you to stay tonight; sleep with me.”

“I don’t think I could ever turn something like that down.” He kissed her.

She smiled, taking his hand and leading him up the stairs to her bedroom. Emily was nervous but she wouldn’t show it. She wanted him; wanted tonight to be perfect. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t as long as they were together. And they would be since Emily wasn’t letting him go.

***

“Mommy and Mr. Hotch kiss.” Jack said.

“Is that so?”

“Mmm hmm.” He nodded as he ate his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “She smiles when he does it.”

“Have you spent much time with him, Jack?” Jason asked.

He didn’t know how comfortable he felt interrogating his son about his ex-girlfriend’s dating habits. He’d tried so hard to get Emily back that Jason actually lost track of the reasons he was doing it. Jack was always going to be his son. There had been a few scrapes but for the most part they agreed on a suitable custody agreement. Jason got Jack every weekend and Wednesday evenings. They did their best to be cordial for Jack’s sake and usually succeeded.

Jason was still curious about the new man in her life. He knew that his name was Aaron Hotchner…that came from Penelope. He was in the FBI and apparently people called him Hotch. That was all he knew. Discussing it some with Jack while on their vacation, Jason realized Emily pretty much kept her word of not having their son around strange men. As June came to a close, Aaron Hotchner wasn’t going to be a stranger for much longer.

“Do you know Mr. Hotch well?” Jason repeated. When Jack was eating and watching TV paying attention to conversation was not his top priority.

“Nope.” Jack shook his head. “Mommy said we’ll eat pizza and watch movies when I come home. I like pepperoni the most.”

“I know you do.” Jason smiled. “You enjoying your sandwich, buddy?”

“Mmm hmm.” Jack nodded.

“I thought when we were done maybe Nora could come over and we’d have milkshakes. Do you think that would be OK?”

Jack nodded, wearing a happy grin. Jason wasn’t sure if he was nodding about Nora or milkshakes. He’d been trying to ease his son into knowing Nora while they were on vacation. They'd spent the first week in Disney World, with Nora coming down for the last two days. They flew back to New York together, where Nora lived and taught at Barnard, for the second half of the vacation.

Still, Jason wasn’t overexposing Jack. He just wanted the two of them to know each other better. It had been nine months since Nora came back into Jason’s life and he was sure this time he wouldn’t let her go. That meant she would be part of Jack’s life as well. Jason told Emily not to have Jack around Hotch but then he was sneaking and introducing him to Nora. It was wrong but he would fix it later.

“So it’d be OK for Nora to hang out with us for a little while?” Jason asked.

“Yeah.”

“You like her, Jack?”

“I like her hair!” Jack exclaimed. “Its fun!”

Nora had locks, which Jason loved. Apparently the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

“Her hair is very lovely. You finish your sandwich and I’ll call her.”

“OK Daddy.”

Jason got up and grabbed the cell phone from his hip. Even as he called Nora, he watched Jack on the couch. He was so glad to have this time with his son and be able to share it with Nora. It was like a spring awakening for Jason…change that he actually rolled well with. He knew it was only a matter of time before both he and Emily moved on. There were times when he feared he might never and now suddenly he was.

***

“That might be a bit too much powder.” Sam coughed some, waving his hand at the plume of smoke.

“I'm thinking maybe. But this might be an instance of too much isn’t really too much.” Hotch replied.

“What?” Sam looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t even know what I just said.”

Sam snapped his son’s onesie closed and held him against the burp cloth over his shoulder.

“Better he smell nice and powdery when Mommy comes to check on him. I don’t want to get in trouble.”

Hotch smirked. Sam sat down on the window seat and Hotch sat beside him.

“He's such a good looking kid, Sam. He has Jessie’s eyes but he's all Kassmeyer.”

“Yeah I know…poor kid.” Sam kissed the baby’s forehead.

Michael Brooks Kassmeyer was a week old. He came into the world at nearly eight pounds, looking like his father from the womb. Hotch stroked the boy’s dark blonde hair and he gurgled.

“You guys are really happy.” Hotch said.

“Me and Jess you mean?” Sam asked, glancing at him. “Hell yeah, we’re happy. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I only have one job to do; never forget that. She’s given me the two greatest things a man could ask for, her love and my son.”

“You're a sentimental sap.” Hotch grinned.

“Don’t act like you didn’t know that when you met me.”

“When I met you, you were holding a guy down with your forearm on the back of his neck. Your knee was in his back too; if memory serves. There's nothing sentimental about that.”

“True.” Sam nodded, rubbing his son’s back. “I'm sure the guy deserved it.”

The two men just leaned on the window seat relaxing and soaking up the comfortable quiet of the nursery.

“Emily and I…” Hotch sighed, unable to finish the sentence.

“When?” Sam asked. He didn’t really need him to.

“The night Mickey was born.” Hotch was so grateful for the three or four people in his life who just understood him.

“Was it good or bad?”

“A little bit of both. That was entirely my fault.”

“C'mon, we’ll get a beer and talk.”

Sam patted his best friend’s shoulder. He put Michael down in his bassinet. The baby whined a little but didn’t seem to wake up. Sam double checked, made sure he was asleep, and he and Hotch left the room. They went down to the kitchen and Sam grabbed two beers from the fridge.

They sat down at the table, the baby monitor between them. Jessie was upstairs asleep…Sam promised to be on baby duty tonight. The Department of Justice gave him three weeks off for maternity leave. He planned to use every moment he could getting to know his little boy.

“What happened?” Sam asked.

“I wimped out.” Hotch replied.

“Was it voluntary or involuntary?”

“Ouch,” Hotch felt the pain in his lap. “It was voluntary. It really was the hardest thing I ever had to do…I wanted her so much Sam. I really wanted her.”

“Was it too soon?”

Hotch shrugged. He knew how good it felt kissing her in the kitchen. He knew how much he wanted to go upstairs with her; there was no hesitation on his part. The way they kissed and touched, first in the middle of the floor and then lying in bed, Hotch was on fire. He wanted to touch her everywhere and found no reason to object when Emily stripped off her lounge clothes to reveal the black lace bra and panties. Hotch found himself breathless.

 _“You're so beautiful.” He said in a hoarse whisper. “Damn.”_

 _“You're beautiful too.” she replied, taking his face in her hand._

 _“Not nearly as…”_

 _He didn’t get the rest of the sentence out, she was kissing him again. They rolled over on the mattress and Emily straddled him. That caused Hotch to stop for a moment; he wasn’t used to a woman just taking charge. It wasn’t that he didn’t like it, it was just different._

 _“Are you alright?” she asked, nibbling his earlobe._

 _“Mmm,” Hotch shivered at the contact._

 _The first time she tried to get his shirt off and Hotch resisted, Emily moved on. She kissed his neck, stroked his chest on top of his shirt, and rubbed the front of his pants._

 _“Oh God,” he arched his back. “Mmm Emily.”_

 _“You like that?”_

 _“Oh God yes.” Hotch nodded dumbly._

 _“There's more where that came from…believe me.”_

 _Hotch reached his hands down to cup her ass. She was wearing those great panties called cheekies. Yes, Hotch knew a thing or two about women’s underwear…he was a man after all. But he didn’t want Emily thinking that he wanted to reap all the benefits and give nothing in return._

 _Aaron Hotchner was a very giving man. The second time she tried to take off his shirt; Hotch took her hands in his and gave her a blistering kiss. By the third time, as heartbreaking as it was, he knew he couldn’t do it. He sat up on the bed and Emily climbed off his lap._

 _“Please,” the word barely came out of his constricted throat. “Don’t take this to mean that I don’t want you.”_

 _“I don’t.” Emily shook her head but he couldn’t see that._

 _“I don’t think I've every wanted anything more. I just…”_

 _“You don’t have to explain.” She wrapped her arms around him from behind, putting her chin on his shoulder. Hotch relaxed enough to rest his back against her breasts. “I know that you have things you're dealing with. I understand.”_

 _“I'm sorry anyway.” Hotch caressed her hands. “I thought when the time came for me to be intimate again it might be inexperience or memories or something like that to worry about. I never thought vanity…”_

 _“I don’t think its vanity, Aaron. You're scarred and there's a whole history behind those scars that won't go away just like they won't. I’ll tell you that seeing them won't change how I feel about you in the least, but I can't say it won't shock or upset me. Mostly because I know the story behind them, not because of vanity. Of course I'm a bit horny right now so I’d probably just bypass your chest and get right to the good stuff.”_

 _After a few minutes of silence, Hotch just laughed. His whole body shook with laughter and it caught Emily so she was laughing too. They laughed for a while and then Hotch turned to hug her. Emily exhaled, holding on._

 _“Stay with me, if you can. We can get a good night’s sleep and then have breakfast in the morning.”_

 _“I want to stay.” He kissed her._

 _They kept kissing as they moved back on the bed. He wasn’t going to get naked tonight but he might get somewhere. He and Emily were both willing and fears they may have felt about the past had nothing to do with not wanting to satisfy each other._

“It was a nice night despite that little setback.” Hotch said. “I just froze Sam; I was petrified at her seeing me without my shirt.”

“Why?”

“Why?” Hotch looked at him with wide hazel eyes. “You know what that bastard did to me.”

“Of course I do.” Sam nodded. “That’s not quite what I meant. You should just show Emily your chest in a non-sexual fashion.”

“I thought about that. I don’t want to think about it anymore. I knew it would be a lot but, damn…it’s a lot.”

“You really feel something for Emily, don’t you?”

Hotch nodded. He hadn't been able to put it into words yet but Sam would probably be the first person he told when he could.

“It just seems like something good always happens in the middle of a shit storm.”

“Aaron, your life is good right now.” Sam replied. “I know it might not feel that way, the trial is coming up, but it is. We’re all going to take care of each other…we will get through this. I think Emily wants to help you too.”

“I don’t want her getting wrapped up in this.” Hotch said. “I want what we’re trying to have to be separate from that. There’s just one problem.”

“What?”

“It manages to snake its way around everything and strangle the life out of it.”

***

 _I come home in the morning light  
My mother says when you're gonna live your life right  
Oh mother dear, we’re not the fortunate ones  
And girls they wanna have fun  
Oh girls just wanna have fun_

The week after Independence Day Derek Morgan, party planner extraordinaire, set up a happy hour for the BAU at Absinthe. It was a bar/club/party spot that had been in DC forever. Grown folks hung out there and it was always a good time. Wednesday was 80s night so he figured everyone would have a real blast from the past. It was also dollar kamikaze shots, $3 martinis, and $2 Coors Light and Miller High Life.

Morgan drank some High Life as he weaved his way through the throngs of agents. He oozed charm…he was just an awesome guy. All the women loved him and all the guys wanted to be his friend. He was handsome and charismatic with a winning smile. Dave Rossi always said he could sell sexy underwear to a busload of nuns. Dave was there tonight.

Retired or not, he loved coming out. He said he was desperate to get of the house. His first novel was coming along great but the walls were closing in on him. Morgan told him to come…bring his wife and his dancing shoes. Erin was in meetings most of the evening, not that she would’ve come anyway. But Rossi was wearing his dancing shoes.

Spencer Reid was also there. He was relatively new to the BAU. He’d been there a year and a half but was still having trouble when attempting to be social. Spencer was a genius…he had trouble just being regular. Morgan took the kid under his wing. He wanted to teach him there was more to life than just work. They should experience as much as they could as often as they could.

Hotch sat at the bar nursing a beer as the party swirled around him. Everyone drank, sang, danced, and talked but he just sat there. Hotch wasn’t a party animal but also didn’t want to face Morgan’s wrath for declining the invitation. A pair of hands covered his eyes and a silky voice whispered in his ear.

“Guess who, cowboy?”

“I'm not sure; give me a hint.”

She playfully poked him and they both laughed. Hotch turned around on the barstool, pulling Emily into a hug. He smiled at Penelope.

“Hey Penelope, I'm so glad you could make it tonight.”

“Me too,” she grinned. “This place is full of gorgeous men.”

“Be a tigress.” Emily replied laughing.

“Oh yeah; I'm gonna get a drink and mingle. No need to cramp your style. I'm dressed for action.”

Penelope wore a red, 40s inspired, bustier sundress. Red canvas wedge heels with a peep toe completed the outfit. Her hair, recently dyed almost the same color as the dress, was bone straight with a long bang. She looked like she stepped out of a Veronica Lake film. It was a strong contrast to Emily’s boot cut jeans and lavender v-neck. But they both looked beautiful.

“I thought you were dating Kevin Lynch.” Hotch said, only thinking afterward that he might have hit a sour note.

“I am, and I'm a happy girl. Still when a kid’s in a toy store she likes to hug all the teddy bears.” Penelope replied. She took the martini the bartender handed her. “Excuse me.”

She sashayed into the thick of the party. Hotch looked at Emily and smiled.

“You never told me how you two met.” He said.

“Penelope and I?” Emily asked. “My stepmother gave me a great agency when I was looking for a live-in to help care for Jack. I said I wanted someone a little unconventional.”

“She fits the bill.”

“I know right?” Emily smiled, her arms still around him. “I'm guessing public displays of affection aren’t your thing.”

“Why?”

“Well I really wanted to give you a kiss but I don’t want to embarrass you in front of your friends.”

“Most of these people have seen me dance…it doesn’t get more embarrassing than that.” Hotch replied. “I think a little kiss should be alright.”

Hotch pulled her closer, his arms around her waist. They shared a sweet kiss but it was interrupted by a wolf whistle. Hotch moved away from her with reluctance and looked at his partner. Morgan was grinning from ear to ear.

“My eyes must be deceiving me. There is no way a woman this beautiful would date you. Did you pay her to play your girlfriend?”

“I like him already.” Emily laughed.

“Derek Morgan, this is Emily Prentiss.”

“I've heard so much about you.” Emily shook his hand.

“Surprisingly, I've heard a lot about you too.” Derek replied. He leaned to whisper, still holding her hand. “He really likes you so hold on. He eventually gets less Hotchy. Or maybe we just get used to him.”

“Thanks.”

“What did he say?” Hotch asked.

“Curiosity killed the cat.” She said.

“Now you have an excuse to socialize.” Morgan said, turning to walk away. “Everyone will want to meet Emily and she can do all the talking. C'mon, man, get up and party.”

“Hey Derek, make sure you introduce yourself to my friend Penelope. She’ll get a kick out of you.”

“Will do.” he held up his hand to wave. “Party!”

“You wanna get out there and have a good time?” Emily asked.

“Not particularly.” Hotch shook his head. “I can admit to inviting you as a shield though. And a very beautiful shield you are. If I said no one more time, Morgan was going to disown me. I probably would’ve loved that but he probably wouldn’t have just to spite me.”

“Well I wanna meet the people you work with. As payback I will invite you to the next totally boring cocktail party my department has. It’ll make Absinthe look like Studio 54.”

“If we stick around long enough, it'll look like that on its own. Drunken federal agents know how to party.”

“Oh then I need to get a drink.” Emily flagged the bartender and ordered a martini. “I'm ready to have a good time. Are you ready, Hotch?”

“I'm not entirely sure but now I'm curious to find out.”

000

“Shit, what was Emily’s cute friend’s name again?” Morgan asked as he swayed to Corey Hart. “I want her to have a shot with us. Rossi, what's her name?”

“I want to say Persephone.” Dave replied, his speech a little slurred. He’d called Erin and asked her to come have a drink and then make sure he got home safely. She would be there in about an hour. “I have a feeling that’s not it though.”

“Spencer, what's her name? You have a photographic memory.”

“It’s eidetic.” Spencer replied.

“Her name is what?”

“No, my memory is eidetic. That means I have extraordinary recall for things I see, not what I hear.”

“OK.” Morgan nodded. “What was her name?”

“I think it was Petronella.” Reid said sighing. “If not then it’s definitely Prudence.”

“Petronella! I think that’s it man.” Morgan gave his arm a friendly slap. “Petronella! Hey Persephone! Yo, baby girl!”

Penelope turned around when she heard that.

“Are you talking to me?” she asked.

“I'm so sorry, I'm usually great with names but…have a shot with us.”

“Sure.” Penelope smiled as she walked over to them. “And don’t worry about the baby girl thing. I've been called worse by uglier guys.”

“Penelope!” Reid exclaimed. “It’s Penelope!”

“A gold star for Dr. Reid.” She replied.

“He has an eidetic memory.” Morgan pointed to Spencer with one hand and passed around shots with the other.

“And apparently he also has delayed reaction syndrome.” Rossi added.

Penelope held up her kamikaze shot.

“I say we drink to reactions…delayed and otherwise.”

***

He lay still on the bed as she lifted the Hanes tee shirt. The room was dark except for moonlight from the open curtains. Emily pulled it up to his chest and looked at his torso and groin. The nine stab wounds were obvious. They were ugly, horrendous actually, and looked as if the pain were immeasurable.

She traced over them with gentle fingers, which caused Hotch to suck in breath. She wasn’t hurting him she didn’t think, unless the pain was psychosomatic. That was possible after all he’d been through. Emily bent to kiss them. Her lips possessed all nine of them.

Soft, feather light kisses, even more consuming than her touch. This time Hotch shivered as he reached his fingers down to tangle in her raven hair. He didn’t know how long she was kissing his scars…time stood still when her lips were on his skin. Soon Emily was kissing up his chest, taking the tee shirt with her until it was up and over his head.

“You're so amazing, Aaron.” She whispered before kissing his lips. “Thank you so much for trusting me.”

“Thank you for ever calling me in the first place.” He replied. “Thank you for your patience, which I will need more of over time not less.”

Emily nodded, her kiss more intense this time. He wasn’t going to get away from her again…it was time to stop talking. Her body ached for his. She knew the feeling was mutual. It was hard for Hotch to hold in his desire as they rolled on the mattress. He quickly stripped off her pretty bra and panties. His boxer briefs soon joined them on the floor.

“Oh my God,” his breath caught in his throat when he caught sight of the hoop through her left nipple. His hand gently pinched and then flicked; he loved the way Emily sighed. “You're still finding ways to surprise me.”

“I like to keep you on your toes. There are more little things you might like.”

Hotch smiled, knowing he liked her breasts. They kept his attention for a while and the nipple ring didn’t have much to do with it. Emily had an amazing body. She was lean, svelte, with firm breasts, a trim waist, and amazing legs. He wanted to touch her; kiss her all over and listen to her moan. He wanted to take his time in finding every single one of her secret spots. He knew he couldn’t do it all in one night and as excited as he was to finally be naked with her there was some disappointment about that.

Emily wanted to touch too. She wanted to explore, kiss, taste, and caress until all he could do was cry out her name. She wanted him inside of her…that delicious feeling of being split in two. Hotch kept so much inside and she wondered how much came out when he was stripped bare. He was certainly playing the game with a long, strong bat, but how was his swing. Just knowing she was about to find out made her quiver. Emily reached under the pillow for a condom; Hotch took it from her hands.

“You're always safe with me.” he said, putting it on.

She loved hearing him say that. It didn’t bother her at all that Hotch liked being a hero. Sometimes you needed one in your life. He knew she was strong and could take care of herself; she had been for a long time. But he wanted to take some of the pressure off and have them do things together.

They were doing this together, two people in bed giving parts of themselves to make it good all around. And oh my God, was it good. Hotch watched Emily’s eyes roll back as he thrust inside of her.

“Mmm,” she gripped his hips. “Ohhh, Aaron, oh God, mmm…”

He pulled himself back from the edge, wanting to make this last as long as possible. Who wouldn’t want to be so close to her, smell her skin and the scent of their mingled flesh? Who wouldn’t want to drown in the way she cried out his name and respond in kind? Hotch touched her clit and whimpered when she did. Emily was close, she was so close, and it was him who was going to make her fall.

“You feel so good.” He moaned. “Oh God, you feel so damn good.”

“Make me come.” She reached her hand between her thighs to help him along.

Hotch watched her touch herself and it was such a turn on. Soon she was there, biting down on her lip to keep from screaming. Hotch kept thrusting, murmuring her name as the feeling began at the tips of his toes until it was popping out of his ears like the sound of fireworks.

“Emily!” he cried her name as his body lurched forward. He felt as if he’d been electrocuted. Every piston was on fire, every nerve alert. Hotch collapsed and wrapped his arms around Emily’s back. He wanted to feel what she was feeling and share his experience with her. They were both breathing hard, not caring enough to let that stop them from kissing.

She mumbled something incoherent as they both attempted to catch their breath. Hotch pulled away just enough to look at her. Her eyes were closed, mouth open…she was beautiful.

“Was that English?” he asked.

“No, but I think I just mixed German and French.”

He laughed, kissing her again. It took a while for Hotch to get enough strength to move over onto the mattress. As he cleaned himself up, Emily reached into her nightstand drawer for a clove. She still asked him if he minded every time before she lit one and he appreciated that.

“What got you hooked on cloves?” he asked, watching her prop her pillows up on the headboard and light up. Emily held the sheet close to her chest, drew in her knees, and crossed her ankles. Her beauty was so unconventional but effortless. Hotch thought people might tell her that all the time; he didn’t want to sound the same as the crowd.

“Remember that summer I spent in West Germany?”

“Yes.” Hotch nodded.

“I was a party girl, and all the party girls smoked cloves. Helena Almeida and I used to cruise the clubs at all hours; she got me into Ziganovs. She got into them when her father was the Portuguese Ambassador to Czechoslovakia. It turned out she was there at the same time as me but we never crossed paths until that summer when her parents were vacationing in Bonn. My father and stepmother had a house there.”

“You had so many adventures, didn’t you?”

“It wasn’t all fun and games. I would never let Jack have as much freedom as I did. It was to the point where I had little to no real familial stimulation or supervision. I was like a walking Guns and Roses video.”

“Which one?” Hotch asked.

“ _Welcome to the Jungle_.” Emily replied. “I messed myself up and had to put myself back together again all while hiding from my parents that I was messed up in the first place. Those secrets have a way of exposing themselves. What about you…any crazy adventures for you Hotch?”

“I was a bit of a nerdy kid. I was the overachiever who won all the awards and got all the accolades. It was the best way to make my father happy, or at least not to make him angry. Thinking back I don’t know if he was ever really happy. Its funny, I always swore to myself that I would never become him so I became my mother instead.”

“What do you mean?”

“I suffered through the unhappiness with my strong Southern spine, at least that’s what she would call it. She managed to keep her smile; I don’t think I did.”

“Well I think you have a beautiful smile.” Emily said.

“It’s been a long time since I could use it and mean it. You make me mean it, Emily.”

She smiled, putting out her clove and cuddling in his arms. Hotch sighed as he stroked her back.

“Do you want to put your shirt back on?” she asked, kissing his heartbeat. “Cuz in a minute I’ll be asleep and you might not be able to move.”

“No, I'm alright.” Hotch kissed her goodnight.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I am.”

Emily smiled as she closed her eyes and started to relax against him. They’d had such a good night and finally making love was the icing on the cake. Now she would sleep and see what tomorrow brought. She wasn’t ready to relax and just let this happen. After all the ups and downs in her life that wasn’t Emily’s nature. But she felt relaxed right now and that was good enough for Emily Prentiss. She had the calm feeling in her belly that it was good enough for Aaron Hotchner as well.

***

“Daddy, daddy, can you see me?” Jack asked as he played amongst the other kids in the balls.

“I see you buddy.” Jason smiled as he waved.

“Hi Mommy!”

“Hey Jack Jack.”

Jason and Emily were standing a few feet away, not the kind of parents who just let their child run around while they occupied themselves with other things. They wanted to be close to him, which was one of the reasons they were there. They also both had a fear of taking their eyes off Jack. It was improbable to watch him 24-7 but a part of them wanted to try.

“Jack told me about Nora.” She spoke in a low tone. Emily leaned closer so other parents wouldn’t hear their conversation. This place was always packed on the weekends and this rainy Sunday in July was no different.

“He told me about Hotch too.” Jason replied.

“Should we compare notes?”

“I don't know much. All he said was that you smile when he kisses you and there was a plan for the three of you to do something when he got back from vacation. By the way, I wasn’t keeping the Nora thing from you.”

“I didn’t say that you were. What is the Nora thing anyway?”

“I thought you said Jack told you about her.”

“All telling me about her entailed was that she has fun hair. He also said she loved milkshakes and knew all the songs from _The Wizard of Oz_. Jack really wasn’t afraid of the flying monkeys?”

“No,” Jason shook his head. “He wasn’t. The Wicked Witch of the West didn’t get to him much either. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to watch it with him but when Nora suggested it I thought it was a good idea.”

“Its alright…we have plenty of movies to watch over time. C’mon Jack,” Emily called to her son. “Our pizza’s going to be ready soon.”

Jack climbed out of the balls and rushed over to his parents. Jason handed off his son’s shoes and then picked him up in his arms for his walk back to the table. They were spending an afternoon as a family unit at Pizza Pete’s. It was one of Jack’s favorite places, a four floor wonderland just bordering The Palisades neighborhood of DC. It was like a Chuck E. Cheese with better food and more entertainment for all ages.

The first floor was for the two to six year olds, the second for seven to twelve. The third and fourth floors housed a playground for ages fourteen to adult. There were games, shows, food, drink…it was one of the most popular places in the city for families and friends. The staff was friendly and knowledgeable, the food decent, and there was even liquor served on the fourth floor for the older ‘kids’. Both Jason and Emily had been there millions of times for everything from Christmas parties to bowling nights. But they never seemed to have as much fun as they did when they brought their son.

The server was just putting down their pizza as they got back to their table. It was half-pepperoni, Jack’s favorite, and half-cheeseburger, Jason’s favorite. Emily could eat either if she had to. As Jason put Jack in his booster seat, they also got a refill on their drinks and a big smile from their server when she told them to enjoy. Jack was so excited when his father put the piece of pizza in front of him. Jason put the big napkin in front of Jack’s Polo shirt.

“Don’t eat too fast, buddy.” Jason said.

“I won't Daddy.”

Emily knew that wasn’t always the case so she made sure to keep an eye on him while talking to Jason. Jack didn’t care anything about their conversation; he was there for the pizza and games.

“When did you start seeing Nora again?” Emily asked. There weren't too many ways to ask the question so she just asked it.

Nora was a part of Jason’s past, one of the many ghosts Emily spent years competing against…and losing. When Jason loved something, he did his best to love it wholly and rarely let it go. Emily always felt Nora was the one who got away; and she was the one who came after.

“Max Ryan invited me to a writer’s conference in Manhattan but I wasn’t sure I was going to go. He convinced me by telling me Nora was going to be there.” Jason smirked. “He always knew how to get me. I thought he might be lying but thought he might not be. It had been a long time and I wanted to see her if I could.”

“Jason, you’ve always known where she was. You didn’t need Max Ryan or anyone else to set it up.”

“If we ran into each other…”

“You wouldn’t have to crawl back and say you were probably wrong?” Emily asked, grabbing her own slice of pizza and sipping her iced tea.

“You don’t even know what happened between Nora and I.” Jason replied, hurt in his heart at her words.

“No, but I know what happened between us.”

“The point is, we saw each other again at the conference and have been seeing each other ever since. Nora is still committed to teaching at Barnard, I can't blame her, so I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to have the kind of relationship that would make both of us truly happy. Still, I thought it was important for Jack to meet her. I apologize for not running it by you first, especially considering how I reacted to his possibly meeting Aaron Hotchner.”

Emily stopped eating her pizza mid-bite. She couldn’t believe she’d just heard Jason apologize to her. It wasn’t that he was a heartless man; he was actually quite the opposite. He was full of passion and intensity that was an amazing thing when you were in love with him. It made you want to run him down with your car after the breakup. She’d tried to almost five years to be more to him than a lover. Then she broke it off, slipping a year later and having a one-night stand.

Now, three years after that, they were having pizza and game day with their son. For over a decade they orbited around each other’s lives and were in no danger of that relationship ever ceasing to exist. But there was the possibility that it might began to change. Emily had really moved on and it looked as if Jason might be doing the same. She didn’t want to get too far ahead of herself. Someday, they might really be able to be friends or pals or something; it was something she’d been thinking about lately.

“Apology accepted. How long have you been seeing Nora again?” She asked.

“It’s been about nine months. We…”

“Daddy, can I have more pizza?” Jack asked, interrupting the conversation.

“Daniel Jack Gideon, what do you say when you interrupt two grownups talking?” Jason asked, turning to look at his son.

“Um…” Jack turned his brown eyes up as he thought about it for a while. “’Scuse me; you say ‘scuse me Daddy?”

“That’s right. So how do you ask that question correctly?”

“I don't know.” Jack said.

“Leave him alone, Jason.” Emily said, giving him another slice of pizza. “He has years to learn manners and years to forget them. What do you say Jack?”

“Thank you!” he was grinning again, picking the pepperonis off and eating them first.

“See, he knows please and thank you. He’s one up on a lot of those little rapscallions he plays with.”

Jason smiled. He leaned over and kissed his son’s forehead. Jack was very well-mannered and behaved for a three year old. He surely had his moments when his father had to take deep breaths and search for the patience he hardly had. Toddlers could test even the calmest personalities.

Jason just wanted to be sure Jack was raised right. He and Emily had vastly different parenting styles, which was why they never planned to have children in the first place. Emily was much more of a free spirit, despite how she’d grown up, while Jason was steeped in the stricter Jewish ways of an alpha female mother and intellectual father. They managed to agree on many things where Jack was concerned, a miracle, but Emily mostly did what she wanted.

Jason never had a doubt she was a wonderful mother, he just feared sometimes that she was enough for the both of them. As a part-time dad by consequence he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to put the stamp on his son as his father had him so many years before. Instead of sharing those fears, Jason just hid them. No need to show a weakness unless absolutely necessary. It wasn’t necessary…yet.

“So,” he leaned forward with his elbow on the table. That was another definitely no-no where his mother was concerned. He pulled back so as not to set a bad example for Jack. “You know my story; do I get to hear yours?”

“You want to know about Hotch?” Emily asked, unsure how much to tell him. She could never be sure of anything where Jason was concerned. This was much of the reason they were no longer a couple.

“Yes. If he makes you happy then I want to know about him.”

“Hmm.” Emily got another slice of pizza for herself. “Well…”

“Mommy, can I play basketball when I finish?” Jack asked. “Cuz I'm almost finished eating.”

“Of course you can sweetie.” Emily reached across to lift Jack’s napkin to wipe the tomato sauce from his chin.

She’d avoid the Hotch thing for a little while longer by putting the focus back on Jack. That was the reason they were there. Today was a day to be parents. She wasn’t playing quid pro quo and that probably wasn’t fair but her relationship with Jason had been lopsided for years. This was just one of the first times it was in Emily’s favor. She might as well play as it lay for a bit longer.

***

“Something’s wrong.”

“Why would you say that, Aaron?”

“Well I don’t know too many reasons to have lunch with your lawyer of something isn’t wrong.”

“We’ve been friends for years and I wanted to see how you were doing. OK, I may have gone all Denny Crane on the phone but you're so damn busy that its difficult to nail you down any other way.”

“That’s true, and it sounds rather believable when you say it.” Hotch almost smiled. “What's going on CeCe?”

“Foyet’s attorneys…”

“You mean Southern Belle Barbie and the Shrew Brigade?”

George Foyet wasn’t a dumb man. He knew he was on trial for his life and knew that he needed to do whatever he could to make himself look like he wasn’t a brutal murderer. That included having a good team of lawyers. But George Foyet didn’t just have a good team of lawyers…he had Ellen Daniels. She was one of the best attorneys in the DC Corridor. Most people weren't sure if she was running a law firm or a high-end escort service.

Her office was full of beautiful, shrewd, educated young people, mostly women. George would be surrounded by beautiful women at his defense table. It would put the ultimate question in the jurors’ minds, would women want to be that close to a man who supposedly slaughtered one? He knew exactly what he was doing.

Whatever he didn’t know, Ellen happily filled in the blanks. Hotch thought she might be the devil. She’d gotten off a lot of creeps in her time; men he fought hard to keep off the street. He didn’t want his wife’s murderer to be one of those creeps.

“The defense has decided that they’re going to be calling more witnesses to the stand than originally planned.” CeCe said.

“How many more witnesses can they dig up?” Hotch asked. “The witness list already looks like an open casting call for a Hollywood movie. How long do they intend to drag this on? They can call his kindergarten teacher and his t-ball coach during the sentencing phase.”

“Aaron, the defense wants to call friends and family members of yours as hostile witnesses. They want to establish that you were left out in the cold by this affair and that efforts to remain married did nothing to stop the torrid affair between George and Haley.”

Hotch put his fork down on the table. He put his hand flat over it to keep from shaking. His jaw tightened and he closed his eyes, unable to shake the images of wrapping his hands around George Foyet’s scrawny neck.

“Who are they calling to the stand?” he asked, trying to control his voice.

“You know the prosecution can't share everything with me. Hell, Aaron, there are some guys in that office who still think they might be putting the wrong guy on trial.”

“You know what; I would rather I was on trial right now. I know that I could establish my own innocence. Instead he gets to speculate about my guilt to build up some kind of reasonable doubt for himself. There are going to be people out there, including 12 jurors, who might believe him.”

“No one who’s known you longer than a minute would ever believe something like that.” CeCe reasoned.

“I'm not worried about people who know me. I'm worried about walking around with a scarlet M on my forehead for the rest of my life whether he gets convicted or not.”

“Don’t talk like that…he’s getting convicted.”

“The only thing I'm guilty of is loving a woman for almost 25 years. I should've gotten the hell out when everyone told me too. Which of the people I love are they planning to drag through the mud?”

“Ryan Scott and I are running buddies. I was able to squeeze out of him that it’s going to be Derek Morgan for sure. The defense believes he's your most trusted confidante and he must know something about your feelings about the affair.”

“He doesn’t.” Hotch shook his head. He hadn't shared those feelings with anyone except Sam but if Ellen Daniels didn’t know that that was fine by him. Sam didn’t even know much; Aaron had a tendency to keep things inside. That was just the beginning of some of his issues.

“There's also a high probability that they’ll call Jessie as well.”

“No!” Hotch checked his tone when several people stopped eating and looked at him. “CeCe, you’ve got to do something…you can't let them do that.”

“I don’t have a leg to stand on…I'm not even supposed to be telling you this. The prosecution has no right to stop the defense from properly defending their client. You’ve played this game before; you know this.”

“Jessie doesn’t deserve this. She's going to have to go to court everyday and hear about it, that’s bad enough. Now you're telling me that they're gonna put her on the stand and make her say there's a chance I could’ve killed Haley. None of this has anything to do with justice. This is turning into a damn circus.”

CeCe knew it always would, even if Hotch never let himself believe it. She’d been in the game a long time. This was a huge case with all kind of sordid details. The press was having a field day with it when it happened and they were coming around again as the trial drew near. The physical evidence against Foyet was almost nonexistent and what they did have could be twisted by the defense as two people having an affair. Of course there would be evidence of him in the victim’s house.

You had a beautiful victim, handsome spurred husband, and a harmless looking lover who lost everything when he was accused of killing the woman he loved. She also happened to be pregnant with his child, which made his story sadder. The attacks on the Hotchners’ house and cars, along with the hang up calls and other harassment, couldn’t be directly tied to Foyet. It was a circumstantial case at best. It was a strong circumstantial case to be prosecuted by one of the best, but Ellen Daniels rarely lost. Even if she did this time, the damage done to the loved ones was going to last long after this trial was forgotten.

“It’s not turning into a circus, it’s always been one.” CeCe sipped her water. “Jessie is strong and she will get through this if they call her to testify. She’ll have no choice in the matter if they do.”

“We’re going to go through this hell all over again and he’s going to get off.” Hotch whispered. “Tell me the truth, CeCe…he's gonna get off, isn’t he?”

“I pray that he doesn’t. Aaron, is it just me or do you feel like he's done this before. I mean he left practically no physical evidence behind. And the few things that were could be explained away. That’s like a serial killer or a professional hitman. Crimes of passion are usually full of evidence but it took over a month for the police to even put him under the microscope.”

“That’s because they watch too much _Dateline_ and swore the husband did it. The husband who had enough forensic experience as an FBI agent to think he can get away with murder.”

“Well George Foyet is a science teacher.” CeCe replied. “He knows plenty about slicing things open. The prosecution has good circumstantial evidence, some physical evidence, and a lot of reliable people to testify that it wasn’t you but George who did the killing. And if he ends up taking the stand in his own defense and opening that door even a little crack, Ryan’s gonna jump all over it. He’s not getting away with this.”

Hotch didn’t want to talk about it anymore. It was about to take over his life again, ripping open those jagged wounds just like Foyet’s knife had that night two years ago. Hotch sometimes wondered how he got through that time. There were moments when he just laid there and wished he would’ve died too. It was better than trying to recover, get his life back, being accused, being scrutinized, trying to mourn, and trying not to let the anger overtake him.

He’d made it from that place to this place only to be shoved backwards again in a matter of moments. Maybe he should've let Morgan and Rossi exact a little private justice when they asked him. How could he possibly think it was a good idea to bring someone else into this quagmire? Someone who was beautiful, full of light, warmth and amazing grace. Someone who had a child that if Hotch ever put in danger he would never forgive himself.

Someone who had her own share of shadows and things she would rather put behind her. He had a lot of thinking to do over the next couple of days. Thankfully all of it wouldn’t be about George Foyet. None of it would probably lead to a happy ending either but Hotch had gotten used to that. No one should ever have to get used to that.

***

“I'm OK.” Jessie quickly wiped her eyes when she heard him walk out of the screen door and onto the enclosed back porch.

“That’s good cuz I'm not.”

Hotch sat down next to her on the porch swing. For a while they just sat there in silence, listening to the rainfall. Jessie was holding the baby monitor but there was quiet on the other end…Michael was asleep. Sam was out of town on business so Hotch was staying there to look after his sister-in-law and nephew. Sam also told him to just sleep in their guestroom until he found a new place.

He didn’t need to be in the Woodley Park house anymore. Sam couldn’t believe he stayed there for two years after he was nearly murdered there. No one was buying it and that was fine too but his best friend put his foot down. Hotch wasn’t allowed to stay there for another minute.

It drained the life out of him every time he walked over the threshold. Sam thought Hotch might be punishing himself for something, and he wasn’t the only one who believed that. There were surely a variety of opinions on what that something might be. There was, however, general consensus on the solution…get out of that house.

“What are you doing out here?” Hotch asked, crossing his arms. “It’s late.”

“I always tend to get insomnia when Sam goes away. I'm actually really glad you're here. Sometimes the house is too quiet and that’s not good on a night when there's a storm. Having company is nice.”

“So you couldn’t sleep?”

“No.” Jessie shook her head. “I was up late writing but then when I tried to fall asleep I really couldn’t. What about you?” she looked at Hotch.

“I was having nightmares.”

“Been there, done that. Do you want to talk about them?”

“Nope.” He shook his head just as she had a few moments before. “You don’t need to hear any of that.”

“You know what's funny, Aaron? You and I have known each other a long time. I was always Haley’s little sister and you practically watched me grow up. When, during all of that time, did I ever come across like I couldn’t handle it?”

“Handle what?”

“Anything I had to.” Jessie replied. “I'm not a wimp or a shrinking violet or someone who has to be held up because she’s gonna fall apart. Ryan Scott called me this evening.”

“I'm so sorry about this Jessie. You shouldn’t have to get up on that stand. His lawyers are making it about me to take the focus off the fact that their client nearly committed two murders.”

“He did commit two murders; he killed Haley and her baby. If one little thing I say on that stand can sway a juror to look at the facts and not all the sparkling supposition then I’ll do it with my head held high. I'm doing it for Haley. I'm doing it for me.

“I hope that the end of this, for what its worth, will help you sleep better at night. Nothing will bring her back. The last fight we have in us is the fight to put that monster behind bars. My weapon is my words and I’ll use them.”

As Hotch let her words sink in he wondered about her initial question. When had he begun to look at her as someone he need to constantly protect? He and Jessie had always been close, yes, but that didn’t mean they always saw eye to eye. She’d gotten on him any number of times about his constant travel for work and the strain it had on Haley. Jessie was the one who confronted him, asking if he really knew how hard it had been on Haley when nothing they did to conceive worked.

When Haley miscarried and lost what she thought could be her only chance at motherhood, it was Jessie who sat and listened to Aaron talk about how he didn’t know how to make it better. He couldn’t seem to be what his wife wanted him to be. Jessie had always been fearless, since the moment he met her. Yet after Haley died, after she was murdered, he felt the need to protect her. He wanted to hide her away from the big, bad world and the evil of men like George Foyet.

Hotch always feared that one day someone he put away would exact revenge on the people he loved. Little did he know that his wife would be the one to let the monster into their home. How could he ever tell Jessie that he hated Haley for what she’d done? Surely she’d get to hear all about it when he was on the stand in a few months.

“I wanted to protect you.” Hotch whispered. “Sam and I wanted to protect you.”

“What were you protecting me from?”

“Anything…everything, Jessie. I wanted to protect you like I couldn’t protect Haley.”

“I guess I understand that, and I love you for it. But I can still handle what I need to handle. I won't let George Foyet scare me.”

“OK.” Hotch nodded, not knowing what else to say. If he didn’t have to stay sane and grounded for Jessie’s sake, for what reason would he do it?

“Aaron?”

“Hmm?”

“When’s the last time you saw or talked to Emily?” Jessie asked. “Right after the holiday I had a feeling your relationship with her was something that was turning a corner.”

He introduced Emily to Sam and Jessie over the holiday. They’d gone to her parents’ place in Chevy Chase first for a barbecue and decided to do the fireworks with Sam and Jessie. It was going to be a couples thing and they were both excited about it. All four of them, and baby Mickey, had a great evening and enjoyed the fireworks.

When they left Jessie told Sam she thought that Emily was very good for Hotch. Sam agreed, and not just because he and his wife rarely disagreed. They both knew something good when they saw it. Aaron and Emily Prentiss looked to be something good.

“I've been really busy for the past week or so.” he replied.

“Or so?”

“I just…Jessie, I can't drag her into this. Things are about to turn upside down and it’s just too much. She’s got her own issues, she doesn’t need mine.”

“You knew the trial was coming when you met her. How do you think she’ll feel when a man she's come to care for just brushes her aside. Worse than that he's going to use the bullshit excuse of it being in her best interest. No offense, but as a woman I can tell you that would make me want to run you down with my car.”

“Emily is…”

“She’s what?”

“Maybe I'm just inflating her feelings for me but she’s going to want to be there for me.”

“Of course she is. That’s what happens when you care about someone. The question is why that scares you so much?”

“It doesn’t…” Hotch couldn’t say that it didn’t scare him.

It actually petrified him. The crazy part was that he couldn’t figure out why. After all he’d been through how could he not be excited by a woman who would stand by him, care about him, and be able to handle him being exactly who he was? Maybe it was because all people were that way in the beginning of the affair. They played the flexible role until they got what they wanted and then changed. Sometimes they changed out of the blue, a random Thursday, and suddenly you were lying next to a complete stranger.

“Just don’t do it that way Aaron.” Jessie said. “If you want to end it, protect her, whatever you want to call it…fine. Just have enough respect for her to do it to her face. Don’t just stop calling or stop coming around. That kind of thing takes a long time to recover from and that’s not fair to her. You don’t do that to someone who cared about you even if you won't, or can't, feel the same.”

“It was never my intent to hurt her.”

“You can still stop yourself from doing that you know.”

Hotch was about to respond when his nephew’s cries interrupted his thoughts. Jessie stood up, squeezed his shoulder, and went back into the house. He sat out there by himself for a while. There was no use going back inside yet, it was warm and he couldn’t sleep. The sounds of the rain calmed the white noise in his head and the churning in his stomach. He needed to call her. Hotch just had no idea what he would say when he did.

***

It had been cloudy and rainy for the past three days. Emily didn’t know how much longer she could take it. July in DC was usually wonderful, with August and September bringing the rain. This year seemed to be different. This weather wasn’t doing anything for Emily’s mood. It wasn’t bad per se, but she was definitely not feeling her best.

It had been ten days since she heard from Hotch. She knew he’d gone out of town for work so she did her best not to bother him. But after six days she couldn’t take it anymore and sent a text. Hotch’s reply was short and to the point. He was really busy right now, didn’t know when he was going to get time.

He apologized but said he needed time. Time for what Emily wondered but was afraid to ask. Instead she put threw herself into getting ready for the fall semester. She spent time with Jack, her family, her friends, and doing the Emily thing. She had a life before Aaron Hotchner and she would have one after him if it came to that.

Coming into her condo on a rainy Tuesday evening, Emily was greeted by the sounds of ebullience. She recognized Penelope’s voice and the others were vaguely familiar. She walked down the hall and saw them, Penelope, Kevin, and Spencer Reid. Emily was surprised to see him…she assumed he was out of town with his team. If he was in her living room then where was Hotch.

“Hi guys.”

“Hey Em.” Penelope smiled. “Is Jack OK with his dad?”

“I left them rolling meatballs for spaghetti and Jack attempting to learn songs from the Hair Soundtrack. His dad is going to get him into Broadway musicals if it’s the last thing he does. I’ll let him have his moment.”

“I hope you don’t mind some company. I thought since Jack was gone now would be the perfect time for Kevin and I to have our epic _Star Trek_ Adventure. I decided to invite Spencer too since he needs to focus on something that’s not the FBI. We’re on _The Search for Spock_.”

“Hi Emily.” Spencer and Kevin said in unison.

“Hey. No, it’s not a problem. It’s good to see you again, Spencer.”

“You too.”

“I thought your team was still out of town working.”

“Well we got back from Baton Rouge on Sunday. I was finally able to escape from the paperwork early this evening.”

“I asked him to bring Morgan with him but he was busy tonight.” Penelope said.

“He refurbishes homes in his spare time.” Spencer said.

“So Hotch is back in town?” Emily hoped her tone didn’t display any desperation.

“The whole team is back. But it’s only a matter of time before we’re gone again. The average BAU agent can spend up to 200 days a year in the field.”

“You must have an awesome amount of frequent flier miles.” Penelope replied laughing.

“We have our own jet.” Spencer said.

“No way…like Batman?”

“I don’t know if Batman has a jet, Garcia.”

“He does sweetie. I've got to get you better acquainted with comic books.”

“You're missing a world of wonder.” Kevin added. “If anyone can show you how much, it’s Penelope.”

“Do you wanna join us, Emily?” Penelope asked. “There's more room on the couch.”

“No thanks. I'm gonna go upstairs, get reacquainted with my pillows, and work on this syllabus. Time is moving too fast; I’ll be back in class before I know it.”

She managed a smile as she poured a liberal glass of Chateau Ste. Michelle and went up to her bedroom. Emily undressed, changing into pajama pants and a tank top. She pulled out some of the books she was going to use for her Conflict Resolution class and grabbed the notebook from the nightstand. The distraction managed to work for almost an hour. Then she got her iPhone, opened her text messages, and sent one to Hotch.

She didn’t want to sound desperate, clingy, or angry even if she felt all three of those things to varying degrees. If he didn’t want to be with her then all he had to do was say. She was a woman on the other side of her 30s…it wasn’t as if she hadn't been dumped before. Things were going really well and then they weren't. If it was his job, if the BAU was going to have him gone more often than not, she could handle that. She just had to know about it.

It almost seemed as if he had been hiding from her lately. Soon the fall semester would begin at American. Classes, clubs, and other activities would take up a lot of Emily’s time. If she and Hotch were going to continue it would have to be on some kind of schedule.

There were few things less sexy but she wanted it if he did. The way he’d been avoiding her since the week after they made love, Emily was guessing that he didn’t. She sent the text message anyway. She told herself it would be the last time she reached out but she wasn’t sure if that was the truth either.

‘ _Hey, I heard you were back in town. Give me a buzz if you have some free time_.’ –Emily

She’d barely pushed send when she was getting a reply. Emily was mad at her heart for pounding as she opened the envelope on her touch screen.

‘ _I’m back, staying with Sam and Jessie. I would’ve gotten in touch with you earlier but all hell broke loose. I don’t know what your schedule is like but if you can swing dinner on Friday then I’d really like to see you Emily. I'm sorry I haven’t been around and I seemed to have disappeared at the worse time. That wasn’t your fault, it was mine. Work was the perfect excuse to put my head in the sand and try to avoid everything_.’ –Hotch

‘ _What were you trying to avoid_?’ –Emily

‘ _We’ll have a long talk on Friday…if you want to see me_.’ –Hotch

‘ _Today is Tuesday. I haven’t seen you in ten days and you want me to wait until Friday_?’ –Emily

‘ _It sounds as if you don’t think that’s a good plan_.’ –Hotch

‘ _Not really, no. Do I have a choice_?’ –Emily

‘ _You always have a choice, Emily_.’ –Hotch

‘ _Well I choose to end this conversation right now. It’s probably best not to discuss it over text messages where any and everything can be misconstrued. I don’t want this becoming something its not_.’ –Emily

‘ _Fine_.’ –Hotch

‘ _That’s it, just fine_?’ –Emily

‘ _What do you want me to say Emily? Tell me what you want me to say and I’ll say it_.’ –Hotch

‘ _Where the hell have you been the last ten days? You know what, no; I’m not going there right now or ever really. If we’re going to have our first fight, possibly our last fight, I'm not going to do it over a text message. Goodnight Hotch_.’ –Emily

He didn’t respond and she was actually glad. Maybe she would see him Friday, maybe she wouldn’t. At this point Emily was so mad she didn’t care anymore. She knew that feeling wouldn’t last but it was OK for the moment. Hotch was going through his share of hell right now. Emily knew that even if he thought he was keeping it to himself.

His late wife’s murder trial had been occupying a lot of his time and he was bad at hiding it. He wasn’t bad at hiding the changes in him, at least not from her. Running was probably all he knew to do and he could just keep on running if he was going to close every door and leave her out in the cold. There was no point in having a repeat of the years she had with Jason.

Emily had been there, done that, and had the tee shirt. You were supposed to get smarter as you got older; not repeat the same mistakes. Everyone always said Emily Prentiss was a smart girl…it was time to start acting like it. She went back to her work only to be interrupted by a vibrating cell phone. Sighing, Emily opened the text message.

‘ _This is what I do. I mess things up and then I try to fix them but it’s too late. I don’t want it to be too late with us. There's so much to say, enough to send a million text messages, but I’d rather just say it face to face. If you're not wishing that I got hit by a truck please meet me at the Georgetown Diner Friday evening at 7:30. I’ll wait for you as long as I have to_.’ –Hotch

She wanted to smile but couldn’t. She just wanted to put this away and finish her work for the night. Hotch was right about one thing, this would be better face to face. Whatever happened it wasn’t going to happen until Friday night. There were plenty more days until then. She wasn’t going to let her week revolve around Aaron Hotchner.

Yes, she had feelings for him but she couldn’t let her whole life become him. She also wouldn’t be able to concentrate on conflict resolution. Emily drank her wine and put her Bluetooth in her ear. This was a night to call her stepmother and cry on her shoulder. She felt it ending, had no idea what to do, and Natalie was one of the only people who would understand Emily’s ramblings. They'd surely been here before.

***

“I did it.” Jordan said, finishing her Bacardi Silver.

“What?” Emily asked.

She was still working on hers as she ate from the neverending basket of fries at Mickey’s. All Emily wanted to do was get drunk, be with her best friend, and not think about Hotch. There was no better place to do that than her favorite hole in the wall bar. She’d been going there since she was underage, spending her senior year of high school in DC with her father and stepmother.

Mike, the owner, took a shine to her. Emily had been wooing older men since puberty…Mike was one of the few she actually cared about. That was probably because she didn’t sleep with him. Maybe it was because he didn’t think he had the right to ask that of her.

“It’s over with Bruno. It’s really over; no going back.”

“Are you serious?” Emily came out of her thoughts with her bottle halfway to her mouth. “How did he take it?”

“I don't know and I don’t particularly care.”

“Oh sweetie, please don’t tell me you broke up via email, fax, voicemail, Post-It note, or carrier pigeon. We've had that discussion.”

“No.” Jordan replied. “I did it directly to his face, then turned and walked away.”

“Oh shit.” Emily finished her drink and Mike was there with two more. The place was half-full tonight; it was pretty much always half-full. She wondered sometimes how Mike stayed afloat. Two ideas always came to mind…connected or trust fund. Either way he liked his bar and it was there to stay. “What happened?”

“I just got sick and tired. I woke up on Sunday morning and I knew that I was done. I spent most of the day at work, trying to figure out how I was gonna say it. In the end, I didn’t even care. I just knew it had to be said.”

“Bruno must have been livid.”

“He was relatively calm.” Jordan said. “I told him it was over, wished him the best, and said that I was moving on with my life. I told him not to try and win me back. I also told him I wasn’t afraid of him but he’d better be afraid of me if he tried anything.”

“You go girl.” Emily grinned as she snapped her fingers. “It’s about time, Jordan…its past time. I don’t think that man ever had your best interest at heart. He just wanted everything he wanted. Being without him is much better for you.”

“I know that. There was something else that prompted my act though. I mean you're right; it was really past time. But Rick wants to take me to St. Thomas in September. I think he’s gonna propose, Em.”

“Oh my God, are you serious?”

“We’ve been together two years now.” Jordan replied. “And he’s been so understanding about the Bruno thing, which he didn’t have to be. But I've just been feeling lately like he’s about stake his claim. Not that I'm opposed to that. Settling down might be nice…wow, did I just say that.”

“You just said it. So here you are thinking about getting married and I'm thinking about getting dumped.”

“What? He still hasn’t called.” Jordan ate a French fry. She tried not to bring up Hotch recently, sensing it was a sensitive subject. Still, she was desperate to know what was happening. Emily hadn't been so tight-lipped about anything since they'd met almost twenty years ago.

“He texted me last night actually. Well, no, I texted him and he texted back.”

“After ten days he sends a text. Damn, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt since he’s kinda damaged but…”

“He wants to meet on Friday. I'm not sure if he’s gonna break up with me or what and I hate waiting.” Emily sighed, finishing half her drink in one pull. “I just feel so bad for all that he’s going through and it’s coming around again with this trial looming. I want to wrap my arms around him and never let go. He probably just wants to run for the hills.”

“You can't hold him if he doesn’t want to stay.” Jordan said.

“Tell me about it. Can you say been there, done that? Losing him will hurt so much but I’ll take my lumps like a woman. I might even be wrong.”

“But you don’t think so?”

“Right now I just don’t know. He says he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes with me he feels he made with his late wife. That’s a good sign. At the same time, he has a lot of things to deal with and doesn’t want to drag me into that either. None of us want this to become a Lifetime movie, least of all me.”

“Yeah, someone needs to get drunk tonight.” Jordan slapped the bar. “Mike, we need shots over here. Someone needs to get Carpenters songs drunk.”

“Jordan…”

“Don’t try to talk me out of it. What are best friends for if they can't get you drunk and make you sing _Superstar_ walking down a crowded street?”

“I nearly disowned you for that.” Emily replied.

“You so didn’t.”

“Is it a clear night or a brown night, ladies?” Mike asked, holding up a bottle of Grey Goose and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

“Clear.” They said in unison. Jordan had to work in the morning.

Mike poured two shots and then went down to the other end of the bar for a refill. Jordan held up her glass; Emily rolled her eyes and did the same.

“What are we drinking to?” she asked.

“Sharing horizons that are new to us.” Jordan said.

“You're not gonna give up on this Carpenters thing, are you?”

“Drink, Prentiss.”

Their glasses touched and they drank the shots. Emily liked the way it went down. A few more of those and she might be singing Karen Carpenter alright. She might also create just enough of a haze to forget about Hotch. It wouldn’t last long but one night was a good start.

***

Sam knocked on the office door and then poked his head in.

“I heard a vicious rumor that you keep the good liquor hidden somewhere in this office.”

“Its all lies, my friend…the liquor’s cheap.”

Sam grinned, walking into Hotch’s office followed by Derek Morgan and closing the door. Hotch almost smiled but he wondered what was going on.

“This looks like some kind of intervention.” He said.

“Nope,” Morgan shook his head. “Its just three old friends having a drink; I even brought the glasses.”

He put the three tumblers on the cherry oak desk as Hotch went into the bottom drawer and pulled out the Johnnie Walker Blue bottle. It had been a gift from Rossi when he got the Unit Chief position with the BAU. It was only sipped on special occasions. There was nothing particular special about Thursday but Hotch was in the mood for a drink. Obviously so were his friends.

He poured a nip into each of the tumblers, gave it some thought, and poured a nip more. Morgan took his tumbler to the couch while Sam sat in one of the guest chairs across from Hotch’s desk. Hotch took a deep breath, inhaling the smooth whiskey, and then sipped it. The good stuff had spoiled him to almost everything else. Looking at his two friends, Hotch knew how lucky he was to have them in his life.

Sam and Derek didn’t have a lot in common; they were what most would call acquaintances. They shared a love of catching the bad guys. They also cared about Hotch and worked together to make sure he was alright. Hotch never had many friends growing up. He was quiet, shy, and wary of the shortcomings of human nature.

Becoming a profiler as early as three or four, he frequently gauged the moods of his parents to know if he should hide all day or come out of his shell. Hiding was usually the best idea…they both turned on a dime. They turned on him, each other, and themselves. It wasn’t the most ideal situation growing up but surely there were worse.

When he met Haley and her family, Hotch finally thought he would be a part of something he never had been. It simply wasn’t true. Everyone had their faults and weaknesses; no one was perfect. He surely wasn’t and neither was the girl he sat up on the pedestal. It took her a long time to fall but she did eventually.

Hotch couldn’t just blame Haley for that. He wanted something that wasn’t real, things he saw in the movies growing up. He didn’t want anything that might not be perfect; thought he deserved the good for the bad he already endured. But the bad kept coming.

It came and came and came some more. He was sure that without the two men sitting in front of him drinking his good whiskey he may have put a gun in his mouth a long time ago and just finished it off. Quick and virtually painless was better than the constant nightmare. But there were always flashes of light and his friends were beacons.

“You need a vacation.” Morgan said. “You need to go somewhere where beautiful women in bikinis serve tropical drinks, the water is clear and blue, and there are no clouds in the sky. You need to get away from fluorescent lighting and maniacs.”

“There's a place in this world without fluorescent lighting?” Sam asked. “And girls wear bikinis there?”

“Hard to believe but true.” Morgan replied.

“After the trial I think it'll be a good idea to take some time off.” Hotch said. “The problem is that by then Emily will be knee deep into the fall semester. But I guess that probably won't matter since she won't be dating me anymore anyway.”

“Why not?” Morgan asked.

“I really messed things up.”

“Fix it.” Sam said.

“It’s not that easy.”

“I really like you, most of the time.” Morgan said. “But you make things harder than they need to be. You made a mistake; rectify it. You're not a stupid guy but sometimes you can be dumb.”

“Thanks.”

“I'm serious.”

“I know.” Hotch said. “The whole thing was just bad timing. She’s wonderful, like a breath of fresh air in my stale universe. I just don’t think I'm ready.”

“For what?” Sam asked.

“To breathe again.”

“Morgan’s right…you're dumb.”

“Stop kicking me in the balls.” Hotch said. “I feel bad enough. Hurting her hurts me and I think we’ve both been hurt enough. Emily doesn’t just have herself to consider; she has a son. I won't hurt Jack, directly or indirectly. He’s just a kid. Protecting and loving him is her top priority.”

“So how do you think caring about you will stop her from doing that?” Morgan asked.

Hotch shrugged. He didn’t know how to answer that. He wanted to take hold of both of her hands and never let go. But life wasn’t that simple…there were so many obstacles in the way. They were his obstacles to climb.

Hotch never really dealt with all that happened with Haley and George Foyet. He’d been in survival mode for two years, nothing more and nothing less. He worked so he wouldn’t have to think. He overworked so he wouldn’t want to lie down and never get up again. He got through being the focus of a murder investigation, having his life dissected with a teaspoon.

He went to the three required visits with the FBI shrink because his boss made him and somehow he was cleared to return to the field. Hotch had all but forgotten how to be anyone but ‘Hotch’. That guy wasn’t even real; he was Mr. FBI Agent. Somewhere down deep Aaron was there but the mud was so thick he couldn’t get out. He gave up trying a long time ago.

“I just need to get through this trial.”

“And then what?” Sam asked. “What are you going to need to get through after that? Maybe we’re to blame for some of this. We knew things weren't good but we let Hotch be Hotch and now we’re all here in this unknown place. You’ve got to do something, Aaron. I'm afraid that when this trial is over and Foyet gets the needle like he deserves, there won't be anything left.”

“He's had you locked in a prison for two years.” Morgan said. “It’s actually been longer than that. You’re letting him win and he doesn’t deserve that. There are so many people who care about you and one of them happens to be a beautiful, wonderful woman. Its time to move on.”

“I have plans to see her tomorrow, OK? I just don’t know if it’s going to work out and I don’t know how to make it work out. Maybe she’ll just take pity on me.”

“Pity’s a good start.” Sam replied.

“Really?” Hotch raised an eyebrow.

“It’s better than her hating you.” Morgan said. “What's the plan for tomorrow?”

“I don’t have a plan.” Hotch held up his hand. “And I don’t want a plan, thank you very much. I just have to be me, wherever it lands it lands. There’s enough going on in my head. All I can do is go in and be Aaron Hotchner.”

His friends nodded. They wouldn’t push him. He needed Emily and surely he knew that. The thing was that he needed Emily to be something good in his life, not to hold him up as he constantly let things from his past overwhelm him. They could make a future together and it could be free of George Foyet and every pain he brought with him.

Since he came to them and said ‘I met a woman’, both Sam and Morgan saw a positive change in Hotch. He would always be a certain way; guarded, dependable, quiet, and introspective. There was no need for that to change if he didn’t want it to. But with Emily they saw glimpses of what he used to be. He could be witty, silly, and fun; so many adjectives that had been put in the back of the closet a long time ago.

Hotch opened himself again, even on a small scale, to Emily and in turn the other people who cared about him. It seemed as if he was ready to live life again. No one, especially his two best friends, wanted to see him slide backward. He might not be able to move forward with Emily; that might be over, but moving forward was essential. They just wanted Hotch to see how important it was.

“Are you gonna call Rachel soon?” Sam asked.

Dr. Rachel Howard was one of the best shrinks in the DC Corridor and traumatized federal agents were her specialty. If she couldn’t help you than only Stanley Keyworth could. It didn’t get much better than Rachel.

“I’ll call her on Monday. By then I’ll know what's going on.”

“You can make this right, Hotch.” Morgan said. “You can make this however you want. You just have to know that sometimes admitting you screwed up is the only way to move past the moment.”

“She knows I screwed up…I know I did too. I'm going to do everything I can to make it right. Even if it doesn’t work out, I don’t want either one of us to be bitter about the experience. It was the best one I've had in too long to recall.”

***

He wasn’t there when she got to the diner at 7:20 but that was fine because she was early. Emily got her favorite booth, ordered a root beer, and waited. He wasn’t there at 7:30, 7:45, or 8:05 when she excused herself to the ladies room because she’d had two root beers. At 8:20, Emily ordered a burger and fries she figured she would eat alone before getting the hell out of there. Her cell phone rang but she knew it wasn’t him. Carly Simon’s Love of my Life was only one person’s ring tone.

“Hey there.” she smiled as she answered.

“Hi Mommy.” Jack said.

“What did you do today sweetheart?”

“I saw a red bird.” Jack said. “And I saw a blue one and a yellow one too. Daddy got me my own ‘noculars.”

“He did? That must have been awesome.”

“Yeah. We saw birds and Daddy told me their names but I forgot. But they were pretty, Mommy.”

“So you're having a good time with Daddy?” Emily asked.

“Yes!”

“Do you miss me, baby, I miss you?”

“I miss you, Mommy. Are you OK?”

Emily wanted to burst into tears when she heard his sweet voice ask that question. Jack was just one of those kids…he always wanted to make sure the people he loved were OK. As long as they were, he would be too. Hotch came through the door just as Emily was wondering how she would answer that question. He looked guilty and sheepish when he slid into the booth across from her. She managed to communicate with some weird hand gestures and finger pointing that she’d ordered already. After she pointed out their waitress, Hotch went to do the same.

“I'm fine, Jack Jack. I want you to have a good time with Daddy. Be good and don’t stay up too late and don’t eat too much candy. OK?”

“OK Mommy. I gotta go to bed.”

“Sweet dreams, love of mine.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Oh, I'm looking forward to it. I love you soooo much.”

“Love you too, Mommy. Talk to Daddy, OK?”

“Yes. Goodnight, sweetie.”

“Goodnight.”

“Emily?” Jason’s voice came on the line.

“Hi. I'm glad you two are having such a good time.”

“He likes birds, Katya. I know he’ll probably never like them as I do but I'm just glad I didn’t bore him out of his skull.”

“He’s three Jason, everything fascinates him. Teach him everything because he wants to learn.”

“Are you busy?”

“Yeah, I am, but I'm glad you guys called.” She replied.

“Alright, well get back to your work. Jack will call again tomorrow.”

“Thanks. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

She hung up her phone just as Hotch was coming back to the booth. Emily thought he might have been holding back until she finished her phone call.

“I'm so sorry I'm late. There was a conflict at Quantico and I needed to be there to resolve it.”

“You could’ve called.” She said.

“I went into the conference at six thinking we would be finished and then I was trapped. Every time I tried to excuse myself, I couldn’t. I think they thought I was attempting an escape…which I was.”

“It’s alright.”

“It’s not alright but I hope you can forgive me.” Hotch replied.

“You're here now. Did you order something?”

“I'm so hungry. Is Jack alright?”

“He's fine. Jason got him his first set of binoculars today for bird watching. Ornithology is one of his hobbies.”

“Jack?” Hotch raised an eyebrow.

“Jason. I don't think Jack even knows what ornithology means. But spending this time with his father and Jason passing this on to him is very important for them both. It’s also good for me to get a little non-mommy time. I much prefer mommy time these days but I know Jack needs Daddy time too.”

“I really was in Baton Rouge for a week.” He swiftly changed the subject, mostly because it was the first thing that came to his head.

“I know that. Firstly, Spencer told me. Secondly, I believe you when you tell me things…I've never had any reason not to. But I think you started pulling away before that, Aaron. I think you started pulling away after we made love. I wanted to think I was wrong about that but I don’t think so.”

“You're not. I was scared.”

“Of what?” Emily asked.

“I didn’t want to let you in and then lose you. I didn’t want you to become all enmeshed in this stuff I have going on. I wanted to keep you separate from it but realized that night that I couldn’t. If you’re going to be with me, you’d be in it.”

“I'm a big girl; I can handle it.”

“I know.” He replied as dinner arrived. He could only smile when he saw they ordered the exact same thing. “A part of me just wants to live in this bubble with you. I don’t want to focus on Foyet, the trial, the FBI…none of it. But that’s my life. So if I'm with you and doing that I fear I'm going to do the same thing I did to Haley. The time will come when I take you for granted and everything else will come before you.”

“I won't let that happen.” Emily shook her head. “You think I don’t have a bunch of things pulling my attention. OK, I can admit that I don’t have a murder trial, and I'm grateful for that. But I have school, my son, Jason, my family, a few friends, sleep whenever possible, bath time, me time; there aren’t enough hours in the day. You know what I do though?”

“What?”

“I do it anyway. Some days I'm tired and overwhelmed. Some days I ignore headaches and muscle aches because Jack wants to dance. Some days I hide out in my room and let the whole world swirl around me. I let the guilt eat me like a cancer but I do it anyway.

“I just live Aaron; and I make sure the victories outweigh the failures. I want to be in your life. I think I've made that clear. But it’s not entirely my decision to make.”

“I want it too. There’s just so much, in my head and my heart, and I don’t know how to say it all. When that trial starts…”

“I've been doing a lot of reading.” Emily said. “Surely all the coverage can't replace the story told by someone who lived through it but I don’t need you to dissect for me what happened in that house that night. You were the victim of a horrific crime; the time has come to face the person who did it. That’s all that matters to me. You need me to stand beside you and I will. I don’t need to know every dirty detail from your mouth to do that.”

Hotch nodded. He wasn’t sure how to respond to what she said. While he’d spent hours, days, and weeks thinking about the emotional and psychological demons this trial might bring to the surface, he really had no idea how it would happen. What he was sure of was that he couldn’t do it alone. He didn’t want to.

For so long Hotch had pushed everyone away. Even those he cared the most for, like Jessie, only got so far before the door closed. He’d been doing it for so long that now when he needed them he had no idea how to reach out. He wasn’t Superman, or Captain America like that cute tee shirt Jack had; doing this alone was no longer an option. Hotch needed someone to remind him that this was just a moment in time. It was going to pass. He had survived this long and would keep on surviving.

“We should change the subject to something a little more relaxing.” Emily said.

“Like what?” Hotch tried to eat his burger but his appetite had all but disappeared.

“Movie night.”

“I'm sorry?”

“Movie night.” She repeated. “Before you left for Baton Rouge you said when you got back we would have an adult movie night. I know how much you loved watching _A Pup Named Scooby Doo_ and _Cars_ with Jack but I was thinking about something a little different. I already have the movies picked out and everything.”

“Well, what did you choose?” he asked.

“Like I'm gonna tell you so you can say you have to work if you don’t like them.”

Her smile made him smile too. Could she really still want to be with him after the way he acted? It wasn’t treasonous surely but it was poor. She deserved better and he might actually have the chance to make it up to her.

“Scouts honor I'm not gonna bail on you.” Hotch raised his hand like a boy scout.

“That only works if you were a boy scout.”

“You really doubt my being a boy scout?” he raised an eyebrow now.

She looked at him intently; brown eyes focused and mouth in a thin, concentrated line. Then she was smiling again.

“What was I possibly thinking, of course you were a boy scout. Cub scout and Eagle scout too I bet.”

“Not an Eagle scout.” He shook his head. “Tell me what movies you picked out.”

“From the suspense genre I picked _Strangers on a Train_. I thought that was fitting. From the comedy genre I picked _Hannah and her Sisters_. From the laugh out loud genre, because we both need it, I picked _The Pink Panther_.”

“I love Peter Sellers…he was a genius. Please tell me you mean the one with Peter Sellers.”

“Peter Sellers did _The Pink Panther_?” she asked.

“Emily…”

“Just kidding.” She laughed. “Remakes are rarely allowed in my house. I sometimes have to make exceptions for Jack. I thought you could come over on Sunday and we’d make a nice day out of it.”

“I thought I could stay over on Saturday.” Hotch countered. “I don’t assume to mean…I just want to hold you Emily. I know how close I've come to losing you and I don’t ever wanna come that close again. I don’t know how this is going to sound but I want to say it anyway. You're something good in my life.

“It’s new but it’s already very special. I deserve it, and I want it. I know I’ll make mistakes but when I do I want to fix them. They shouldn’t fester until everything between us goes bad.”

“I don’t want that to happen either. I like you a lot and I have since you finally got up the nerve to talk to me on that train. We can handle whatever comes; at least I think we can. You'd be surprised how strong my powers of persuasion can be.”

“No, I don’t think I would.” He shook his head smiling. “So you'll have me?”

“Oh my God that might be the cutest thing a guy has ever said to me.” Emily wanted to ask him to say it again but couldn’t find a reason to.

“I hope that makes you say yes.”

“Yes, Aaron.” She nodded, reaching for his hand. There was much more she wanted to say but it could all wait.

Emily knew there was time now and if there was one thing she wanted to make sure she did, it was take her time. They didn’t need to jump right into anything. Even without a murder trial looming they were both busy people whose lives didn’t stop because they decided to start falling in love. Was that what they were doing?

That was definitely not something she was going to ask. Going with the flow was the best thing either of them could do. The water would get choppy again, downright tempestuous, so it was probably best to enjoy these few quiet moments while they could. Emily had a few tricks up her sleeve to make sure she, and Hotch, did just that.

***


End file.
